Friday, December 30, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
And did you know that there is a company in Milwaukee that sells Festivus poles? If I had only known before December 23...
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Clearly, B&J's is not in the class of the Yuengling tour. I'll blame this on the corporatization of B&J's, as it was bought by the massive food/drug/toiletry conglomerate, Unilever, a few years ago. Next thing ya know, corporatization will lead B&J's to only make vanilla ice cream.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Looking for a little religion during the holidays? Not sure if you’ll find it here, but it is pretty darn funny. Be sure to visit the site it is a spoof of as well. I’m not sure which site made me laugh more.
(NOTE: I think it is important to point out that my mother introduced me to this site…and just a few minutes before we left for church today.)
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Anyway, I ask this important question because Coke today announced they would introduce a new soda called "Blak" next year. This will be a coffee infused beverage that I'm sure will be just about as popular as the wonderously famous Pepsi Kona (as my co-blogger so sagely pointed out today). I actually tried Pepsi Kona. As a coffee and cola lover, I was disappointed when the liquid touched my tongue. I have never tasted something so disgusting.
For me, the only newish soda that's worth drinking is part of a mix concocted at Baja Fresh: Mountain Dew Code Red (actually very tasty) with a few limes and a splash of Sierra Mist...tastes just like the Sonic Cherry Limeade at Sonic Drive-Ins (which tragically are no where near the northeast). And of course, my all-time favorite is the mystery cherry soda (only labeled "cherry" on the fountain sign) at Ishkabibbles in Philly. No one makes a cherry soda any better.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
WARNING: You might want to turn the volume down on your computer before visiting Mikey’s site.
A little bird pointed me in the direction of Chuck Norris’ official website the other day. (No, this is not a joke) And what a site it is! Chock full of great photos and data to “inform and inspire Chuck Norris fans all over the world”.
Of particular interest:
- Chuck Mart – Still looking for a holiday gift for that special someone? How about a poster of Mr. Norris and the full text of “Chuck’s Code of Ethics”? (“I will always be in a positive frame of mind and convey this feeling to every person that I meet.”)
- “Christian Area” – I’m not sure what this has to do with Chuck, but the page features an email from none other than Jesus himself!!! I bet they have wicked fast broadband in heaven. It is just too bad they didn't share Christ's email address with us. I guess he doesn't want to receive any spam.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Let us also thank famed football announcer John Madden for sharing the once strange idea of several birds stuffed into each other. It was John who talked about this magical delight and gave the turducken its now famed recognition. I hope you take time to read this National Geographic tribute to the turducken, as you too will become thankful for the turducken. And the next time you have 12-16 hours to spare, perhaps you should say, “I’m going to make a turducken!”
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Monday, November 14, 2005
Tired of sissy, mealy-mouthed Democrats? Sick of rabid Bible-thumpin', poor-people-hatin', hypocritical Republicans? Well, brothers and sisters, I bring you good news...
I learned of the "Rent is Too Damn High" Party when voting in my local polling station here in my NYC 'hood last week. Now there's a platform I can really get behind! And they have a fun little theme song. And wacky party officers. And a fantastic web-site disclaimer! Huzzah!
I may not have always liked the character he played, but I was disappointed to read this morning of the passing of WWE superstar Eddie Guerrero. He was a truly despicable wrestling "heel", and if anyone had to play the sterotypical role of "Latino Heat" he at least did it with gusto. Smackdown definitely won't be the same without you, Eddie. Thanks for the good times.
Anyway, things quickly went downhill after the conclusion of “My Fair Brady.” VH1’s tricky, cross-marketing efforts brought me to yet another show with washed up celebrities. “But Can They Sing” is the latest attempt by pseudo celebrities to grasp one more shot at fame thinking they are trying out for “American Idol.” I watched it primarily for glimpses of the still-hot Antonio Sabato Jr., but the show’s concept and singing participants are just ridiculous. Do you know Bai Ling or Michael Capon? Neither do I, but apparently they are celebrity-enough to get on this show. Sadly, this show was just so bad I wasn’t even amused at its lameness. Whatever you do, no matter how bored you are, do not watch this show. Back to 90210 reruns I go.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Royce's may offer choices, but Apple allows for porn portability!
Note: Special thanks to Fox News for making this important news available to America's families.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Do let me know if you have any other fun suggestions for the kids.
Anyway, this is just what pop music needs (note my sarcastic tone). If I ever hear these fools on the radio, I will immediately run out and buy an Ashlee Simpson album, because although she is annoying, she is not spreading hate.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Bruiser and I are jazzed for the 2006 Olympic hockey tryouts. While Bruiser explored the U.S. curling circuit (for real!), he determined that a sport using a broom on ice just wasn't for him. And I just couldn't muster up enough fake emotions, or brightly colored sequined outfits, to continue any further on the ice dancing circuit. So, these "challenges" have brought us to the two-person team mini hockey competition. While we expect tough battles from the Kyrgykstan and Oman national teams, we believe our training and ample match play will be tough to beat.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
What Republican church revival event would be complete without a "celebrity"? So, to make my night complete (since they clearly didn't tell the wait staff to pour guests enough wine), Vivian pleaded with me to get a picture alongside the infamously rejected Robert Bork. Poor guy seems to have aged without his scraggly goatee. I'm just sad that I wasn't intoxicated enough to get my own picture with an anti-celebrity.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
This is huge! I mean, this man wields such power that he has starred in at least 3 sitcoms as characters named “Tony” and helmed not one, but TWO shows titled “The Tony Danza Show”! (According to IMDB, he also served as executive producer for some TV movie called “Sudden Terror: The Hijacking of School Bus #17”, but I don’t remember that one.)
Why NYC chose Antonin Scalia and not Mr. Danza as their Italian-American rep to grand marshall the Columbus Day Parade, I’ll never understand.
To try to make up for this slight, I hereby dedicate today’s STSS post to Anthony Salvatore Iadanza. Thanks for making TV worth watching, Ton’!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
But people change when they wander away from home. I found Paulette Bonafonte taking up a hobo way of life at Bryce Canyon National Park in Utah. However, Paulette had to drink many, many beers out of a paper bag to pass out, as Utah beer can have no more than 4% alcohol. We determined that not only is 4% alcohol beer stupid, but it also tastes bad too. We deserve better from Orrin Hatch.
Monday, October 03, 2005
And don't worry, you'll get to hear (and maybe see) more Southwest adventures in upcoming days...
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Just think. In a few years, school kids in Costa Rica will just have to crank their computer for 10 minutes to access the latest non-news on Save the Squared Stage!!!
Do I detect a new method to acheive international understanding and (eventually) world peace??? I think I speak on behalf of Elle when I say we here at STSS accept this responsibility with humble hearts.
If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?
Print and audio coverage of this wackiness is just a click away.
You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried, kids...
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
And if you don't like that, dig this. Or this. Kids these days are all freaks, I tell ya...
The grand finale. The final in the three part series concludes with the true reason for the trip to coal country PA. While Bruiser truly captured the unique and humorous essence of our trip in his previous post, I hope this last part inspires you to grab a Yuengling.
A trip to the oldest brewery in America is not just another brewery tour – it’s a pilgrimage. For all who had the privledge of attending college in certain parts of Pennsylvania, your first Yuengling is almost a rite of passage. We didn’t embrace college life with disgusting cheap Rolling Rock or Schlitz. Instead, we were lucky that Yuengling Premium “pounders” (in returnable bottles and boxes) were cheap, and yards more tasty.
Bruiser, Paulette Bonafonte and myself grew to love Yuengling during our long days at the “Ford. Fortunately for us, leaving PA did not mean leaving Yuengling behind. The finest brewery in America has been on an upswing in the past few years, marketing their fine beers to other mid-Atlantic states. “Vitamin Y” (as I believe loyal reader “Murphy’s Lawyer” dubbed it) now surrounds us most places we turn. So thank you, Dick Yuengling, for thinking beyond the Keystone State (even though I hear you are a Republican).
But to get a full appreciation of the many brews we’ve drank over the years (but not too many, of course), we needed to see where it all began at the brewery in Pottsville, PA. The town is quaint, seemingly caught in 1955. Old churches, a quiet main street, and a brand new Dunkin Donuts greet those who visit the brewery at the top of the hill. The brewery is still the same red brick building from 176 year ago, housing caves below the surface and in the hill next door where beer was once stored. Visitors get to see it all – bottling, brewing, the old caves, and a mini museum with bottles and ads from the past (including a very odd ad campaign touting two Chinese men named “Ying” and “Ling”).
Our tour concluded with some free samples of beer, which tasted fresher than anything you get out of a keg at a bar. We didn’t get to pour our own brews, but felt just as fulfilled by standing behind the over 100 year old bar. A bit of pre-OSHA regulations history: Yuengling employees used to be able to drink at brewery bar during their workday. Now, wouldn’t that be the life?
Thursday, September 22, 2005
On our way to the burning town of
Pioneer Tunnel features a quaint little gift shop where you can buy everything from a history of the Yuengling beer dynasty to lumps of dirty anthracite coal for the kids to play with. But the real attraction is their mine tour. For just $8 you can hop inside a mine car, ride 1800 feet into the side of a mountain, and have Tom-the-mine-tour-guide tell you all about the history of regional coal mining in his best central PA accent! Tom is no run-of-the-mill tour guide, either – he will wow you with his knowledge, tickle your funny bone with his wit (favorite joke: “Now that we’re here in the mine, grab a shovel and get to work!”), and befuddle you with riddles (He asked everyone on the tour, “Where are you from? [PAUSE for reply] Are you an Eagles fan?” I never figured out what answer he was looking for…).
A word to the prospective mine tour taker – mines are cold, even in summer. Fortunately, Pioneer Tunnel makes the comfort of their guests priority #1 and offers a wide assortment of loaner jackets for the under-dressed traveler! The pleather number I chose even came complete with a snack – there were handfuls of cookie crumbs in BOTH pockets! Was I lucky or what??? Paulette “
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
In the first of a series this week, Bruiser and I headed out to the hinterlands this past weekend for fun, beer and views of destruction. This photo was snapped in Centralia, Pennsylanvia, site of a 43 year-old mine fire that was simmering beneath our feet. You'll see here that we are standing over where old Rt 61 literally split due to the extreme heat of the mine fire. Central, located in the heart of PA's anthracite coal country, was once a thriving town. Now, only about 10 families remain, due to the long-burning fire. For more information about the almost non-existent town of Centralia, pop over here.
Friday, September 16, 2005
But I have to say that Amazon's A9 Maps goes a little too far in its offering street level photos. Being able to see rooftops and cars and such is one thing, but A9 offers candid stills of poor schmucks unlucky enough to have been caught in the sights of Jeff Bezos' cameraman. To see what I'm talking about, check out this shot of a few diners at Geno's one afternoon.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Just to tease you, here are a few tidbits from this tantalizing tale of the dark side:
- During class hours, the college enforces a “business casual” dress code designed to prepare the students for office life
- About 85% come from home schooling
- Two of the kids profiled wanted their first kiss to be at their wedding.
- One kid sent out a nine-page e-mail to the entire student body before the spring formal reminding the girls to dress modestly.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
It sat in the box several days while we decided whether to keep it or not. But finally, we broke into the juicer portion of the bullet. Yes, I was a naysayer about the potential magic that the bullet could perform, but I was wrong. The little bullet really delivers! It juiced us some tasty peach-apple juice. It zizzed some groovy gazpacho. What will be next? A cereal smoothie? A frozen beer blend? Frankly, the Magic Bullet is just as amazing as the Turbo Cooker!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
So much to choose from! Should I get the Hide-A-Pipe Stump, the Color-Changing Lighthouse, or the Eggstractor???
And best of all -- this is a suburban Philadelphia company. Pennsylvania pride, baby!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
Here is a nice little story about the deep contributions of mixes. They really are the stories of our lives.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
The movie was darker than the original, fortunately losing some of the sappy sentimentality that Gene Wilder and the script brought to the original. However, it did have a slighty sweet subplot of Willy Wonka being the tortured child of an evil dentist, also serving as a reference to another creepy Depp character, Edward Scissorhands (he too was wacky due to his parents). This was a nice tongue-in-cheek nod to the pop psychology permeating our world.
The kids in the movie had a cool cartoon-like appearance, and were pleasantly updated for 2005, but were somewhat under-directed. I would have liked a little more sassiness or silliness from their characters. Group dance numbers were performed by an odd-looking single Oompa Loompa computer-multipled to many. Thankfully, there were new songs to sing (aren't we all tired of the old song?). But really, this was a movie focused on one man: Johnny Depp. I'm not normally a Depp fan, but I found myself laughing at his well-written, and well-delivered one-liners and wanting more.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
I must say that I let loose a particularly hearty chortle over the 08 May 2005 "Find of the Week".
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
What could be better than a photo and news about my fave Idol? In fact, just today, a new album came out today with a song by Constantine. This Queen tribute album has his version of "Bohemian Rhapsody." Hopefully, it will tie me over until he has his own album come out one day (and not the crap he does with his oddly-named band).
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Besides being a little icky, this item really is public service, entertainment, and political activism rolled up into one. It warns people not to step into excrement, is generally funny, and it involves people in the political process. Only the Germans could have engineered something so intricate.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Saturday, July 30, 2005
More to come tomorrow during my adventures in the great white north...
Thursday, July 28, 2005
The Vent Line in the Charleston, WV Daily Mail newspaper! This wonderful, afternoon paper gives anyone the chance to call into their "vent line" and say something, and then it gets printed in the newspaper. You get such fine comments like "You people with your scooters, get off the highway."
The vent line was popular in a certain senator's office back in the 90s. A favorite coworker sat at his desk and howled at the funny tidbits his fellow WVians would leave on the vent line. None of us in the office could ever make up anecdotes as funny as the real thoughts expressed by common folks in WV.
Frankly, everyone should bookmark this link. It will provide you minutes and minutes and humor everyday.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
So, thank you "goddess" for bringing this to my attention.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Thanks to a brilliant collaboration between my favorite central Pennsylvania chocolate company and our current American Idol, free MP3 downloads of Kerry "Rising Country Star" Underwood renditions of candy jingles are now available on the Hershey's website. Genius!
Just think - if Bo had tried just a little harder, he could have become a candy hustler. Poor schmuck...
Seems someone in Branson, MO (where else?) has answered our prayers! I present to you -- the Tall Timber Lumberjack Show (and dinner theater).
I'm not terribly familiar with the geography of Branson, but I bet this is within driving distance of the Precious Moments Inspiration Park and Yakov Smirnoff Theater. And all just a 2+ hour drive from a personal favorite vacation spot of mine -- Ft. Leonard Wood.
Newsweek has done America the favor of letting the rest of us know that there are now smutty, adult-content podcasts floating around out there. The iTunes Music Store even seems to provide convenient links to a number of the shows mentioned in this article. But fear not -- our kids are safe from mistakenly downloading such filth as they are clearly marked as featuring "EXPLICIT" content.
What a country!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
While you ponder urine on blue couches, you might find this link about The Daily Show's missing couch amusing. People really have too much time on their hands and need mental help.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Bill, how could you do this to yourself, and to me? You are worse than a typical media whore now! So, its off to find me a new cable news love. I'm taking suggestions. Feel free to post them.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
So I just did my "PowerPoint-deep" background check on our Supreme Court nominee, and I'm already scared! It turns out that, during his short tenure as a judge on the DC circuit, the newly announced Supreme Court associate justice nominee, John Roberts, voted to uphold the arrest and detention of that girl who got plexi-cuffed at the Tenleytown Metro for eating a french fry. It's true! For those unfamiliar with this news of the absurd, here's a passable primer I've found on the episode.
So I guess we know how the McDonalds lobby will swing on this one.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Don't get me wrong...I am totally open to converting existing secular structures into houses of worship. A house around the corner from my childhood home was turned into a Buddhist temple a few years back, and I hear the services they hold in Union Station AMC movie theater are a lot of fun. But when you turn a stadium into a church, how do you decide who gets to sit in the luxury boxes?
Where else would you see a show that joins a man wearing an uber-skimpy tank top who calls himself "Massive Mike" sitting next to "Will the Worm," a man who suspiciously looks like an accountant from the 80s decked out in a tie and suspenders. And let us not forget "The Critic" who always has his fishbowl of "generic insults" waiting for callers that he does not like.
This show debates and discusses the latest in wrestling news, sprinkled with a bit of commentary about the DC area. It's not only a wrestling resource (How else would I know there is a new wrestling organization where the ring has 6 sides), but also a bit of hope that there is TV out there for everyone. I mean come on, this is breakthrough stuff.
We need to thank whomever allows this kind of programming to make our airwaves. Its this kind of TV that saves me from another horrid singing reality show (such as that show that searches for the next INXS lead singer -- its just pathetic), and gives me faith in TV's future.
Sidenote for my co-blogger: There was a commercial during the show last night that had Syrus from the "Real World" saying something. I just caught the end of it. And, the Dudley Boys and the Hardy Boys have been released from Vinny Mac's wrestling conglomeration.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Will this food be hard actually eat and come with minimal cooking instructions using no words? Will their Swedish treats be cheaply made of wood-like products? Perhaps only time will tell. However, if ther new line of food is as good as their frozen yogurt cones, we'll be in business. These wonderfully creamy non-fat cones are seriously the bomb, and worth the whole $1 you spend on it. No joke.
Well, I didn't dig this flick, and it wasn't just because of Tom Cruise's snideness and annoying acting mannerisms. What drove me to the edge were the annoying "conveniences" that Spielburg intertwined into the plot:
-- For instance, a whole subdivision gets totally destroyed, including the house they are hiding in, but their mini-van still stands perfectly untouched? They were driving a mini-van, not a crappy Hummer.
-- And, because the almighty Tom Cruise is a brilliant master mechanic as a hobby, only his car, and no other car on earth, is drivable because he tells a mechanic what to fix to make it operational?
-- Even better, they drive for hundreds of miles and the mini-van still have gas? Come on people, the American-engineered Dodge Caravan isn't the Prius. The US automakers and oil conglomerates wouldn't allow such an earth-friendly vehicle to roam the earth.
Overall, unless you like aliens, or like to suspend your disbelief, this may not be a flick for you. Then again, I walked out of "Spiderman 2" so maybe you shouldn't be taking movie advice from me.
The movie did have one redeemable line...when Mr. Smarmy Scientologist informs his daughter that the world/country is under attack, she says in a naively honest voice "Is is the terrorists?". I couldn't help but giggle. Give that a little thought. It shows where we are as a nation, and how we look at the world of terror.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
- Black Eyed Peas – Fergie looked hot on the jumbo-tron. But I think their set would have been much more poignant if they had done a cover of “Toy Soldiers” by fellow Kids Incorporated alum, Martika.
- Concession stands – I was a little surprised by how unprofessional many of the food stalls looked. There were a few trucks/carts, but a good number of people were just selling hot dogs and burgers right off a Weber grill. The Inquirer ran a story saying that Mayor John Street’s brother managed to get a large portion of the rights to the stalls reserved for minorities. Ahhh, Philly…
- Destiny’s Child – Could Beyonce’s skirt have been any shorter? From where I stood she just looked like a pair of naked legs. Wow! Too bad they had to perform that insipid “Girl” song. All I wanted to hear was “Bootylicious”.
- Def Leppard – Who invited these jokers? I mean, why not Warrant or Winger? Or Queensryche?
- Will Smith – Major props for the local boy and his mute pal, DJ Jazzy Jeff. They’re really the Penn & Teller of bubblegum rap. I could have gone home satisfied after they coaxed the crowd to sing along to the theme song to “Fresh Prince from Bell Air”. If only Alfonso Riberto had been there to break into a Carlton dance…then life would be good. On my way back to the subway, I bumped into a woman who had written “Big Willie Style” on her arm with a Sharpie. Oh my!!!
- Toby Keith – Most of us went for water ice during this set.
- Angry lady – As I was walking toward my viewing spot of choice, I was yelled at by a nasty lady who barked at me (and others) for blocking her view. Hey lady, from 19th Street you ain’t gonna see nuttin’ anyway, so get off my case and have another Tasykake. Jeez…
- Linkin Park/Jay-Z – I thought there might be a riot when these Linkin Park clowns went into their 4th song. We were promised a collaboration with H-O-V-A, but I couldn’t help but wonder if a 4th song for a so-so band might mean that that the CEO of Rockawhatever might not show. But my concern was for naught. Out came Jigga, and the crowd went wild. Big pimp this, G8 politician dudes!
- Kanye West – Pretty darn good. This is the first time I shook my groove thing to a religion-themed rap since Hammer told me to “Pray” so I could make it today.
- MTV coverage – From my perch on the Parkway, I was way out of earshot of the probing interviews and insightful commentary of VJs like Sway and John Norris. I guess I'll never figure out what this concert was all about.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Detailed analysis to come tomorrow...
Friday, July 01, 2005
But really, I just wanted to offer brief comments on a fine tv program I caught last night -- "Hit Me Baby One More Time." I'm almost embarrassed to say that I hadn't caught this show earlier in the season, as this is something right up my alley. Anyway, this was a fun show that really did throw me back to my leg warmers and jelly bracelets. I felt like I was watching a slightly updated version of "Solid Gold." There were the 80s-influenced graphics, the British host who had little to say, and crappy pop music as the cheesy topping. However, it should be noted that washed up 80s pop wonders are not better singers 20 years later.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Don't know what I'm talking about? I think the NYTimes says it best:
fashion/thursdaystyles/30rainbow.html?8dpc (cut and paste this link)
Although I don't have any first-hand experience with these parties (I am unfortunately over the age of 18), I don't think its too far-fetched to think that these are just a figment of the right-wing's imagination, and this doesn't really happen. They probably just want to stomp out all kinds of rainbows. The right-wing certainly likes to stomp out everything else...
Monday, June 27, 2005
While my memory is a little fuzzy about the details of the performances, I feel like Live Aid was a big deal for the world, and for my own personal viewing, back in the 80s. It just makes me wonder if the 12 year olds out there also anxiously anticipating sitting at home all Saturday watching their Live 8 on MTV and VH1?
Regardless, there is a pretty kickass line-up this time around. Check some details: http://www.live8live.com/theconcerts/index.shtml
Besides the most hideous, annoying, evil Josh Groban, it seems like a good gig. I can only wish I was in London to catch Robbie Williams. Or really, wouldn't it be cool to see a concert from red Square in Moscow?
Too bad I'd have to share the concert with one million of my closest friends out on the Parkway in Philly. I think I'll just tune in on MTV. But good luck to Mo-town Philly for a successful event without too many arrests, beatings or other bizarre things that happen 'round here.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
That said, I think I must need professional help. Why? Because I just laughed riotously loud at a sight gag on the CBS sitcom "Yes, Dear". It is bad enough that I was watching that insipid program, but to actually find it entertaining? That is a true cry for help.
Some are good, some are dumb. I’ll let you decide if you like their choices, but in the meantime, here are a few off the top of my head that should have been included. I could have included more from “When Harry Met Sally” but I’m trying to spread the wealth (or trying not to look like I’ve memorized the movie).
“I love the smell of commerce in the morning.” – Mallrats
“Sally, please report to me.” – When Harry Met Sally
“What I’m saying is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” -- When Harry Met Sally
“You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance.” – When Harry Met Sally
“I’m Andrew Shepherd and I am the president.” – The American President
“She could use some mascara and some serious highlights, but otherwise, she's not completely unfortunate looking.” – Legally Blonde
“Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?” – The Breakfast Club
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Why, RR? I let you into my living room at least 2 hours a week, and then, when I finally build up the courage to fire up my stove, I learn it is all a sham? I'm crushed.
Monday, June 20, 2005
Apparently, Saddam's prison guards recently shared wtih GQ that he has a massive Doritos-eating habit. Check this out: http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8288955/
While I don't understand his evil mass killings or torture of innocent people, I do fully understand his love of the world's best chip. The nacho seasoning, the powdery orange fingers, and the easily-detectable Doritos breath are true testaments to the wonderfulness of this American snack food.
Friday, June 17, 2005
If you're confused, I direct you here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2005/06/17/PH2005061700389.html
Yes, that's a photo of several U.S. senators wearing seersucker for the annual "Let's Look Like its Birmingham in 1935 and Wear Seersucker Day." I'm guessing its some lame southern tradition going back to 1901 where senators really didn't have anything better way to entertain themselves than to dress up like dorks. The American public already thinks that our elected officials are dorks, but did they have to go this far?
And, I know what you're thinking...this is really worse than "Hawaiian Shirt Day."
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Yes, I understand that it is summer and I shouldn't expect much, but really, it is hot outside and I'm bored with what's on my boob tube.
So, listen up dear readers, I need your advice. Tell me what to watch on TV. But, before you tinkle your keys, please don't include any suggestions like CBS sitcoms, reruns of "Mash" or "Will and Grace," NASCAR events, stuff that involves TomKat, or anything on FoxNews. However, please do let me know of any hot, steamy selections on C-SPAN, shows about food and drink, and anything just plain bizarre.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
It’s annoying enough that we have to be tortured by radio station playlists controlled by the supreme radio gods, Clear Channel and Infinity. But these horrid radio conglomerates torture us with the worst stuff on the market. There are a few key examples (although I’m sure there are hundreds more – please feel free to share those with us here, except any examples involving Britney Spears).
Example A: The new Backstreet Boys song.
I don’t even know the name of this song, and I really don’t want to know. I do know that it sucks. The song sounds like it was rejected by some lame country-pop artist and then passed along to the boy band for their comeback hit. I thought I never would have to see Kevin Richardson and his evil goatee, but no, I will now be haunted forever.
Example B: Will Smith’s song “Switch”
“Ooh la la la.” Yes, that’s a real line from this fine song that sounds like it was dug up from 1988. The song sounds like he’s trying to start a new rap-line dance craze, and if it is, he should be ashamed of himself. Why is Mr. Smith trying to continue his rap career with rehashed renditions of cheesey rap? Rap has come a long way since “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Will Smith needs to stick with movies, rather than producing songs that sound like rap for over-40 year old parents or “Romper Room.”
Monday, June 06, 2005
I can’t count the days I strode in late to work and caught the last half hour of CNN Morning with Bill and Daryn (Kagan). A certain coworker and I were always happy to hear there was a hurricane brewing, since Bill would likely be there to cover the disaster. He always looked his best when wet in the midst of heavy rain and wind, outfitted in a windbreaker and glasses (he didn’t wear glasses in the studio). Bill was also there for some dark days in my life -- when he was posted in Florida for the recount, and even when evildoers were attempting a ridiculous task of impeaching a president. Yet, the days of evil Republicans were always happier when I could gaze at Bill.
So Bill, I bid you adieu. I hope exciting new opportunities come your way. And if you end up on Fox News, there will be hell to be paid.
Friday, June 03, 2005
So, for “research” purposes, I tuned in to ABC’s new show that couples D-rate celebrities with seemingly equal D-rate ballroom dancers to waltz-offs and cha-cha-offs. Joining in on the fun are the pseudo-snooty dancing judges and America dialing in to vote on their favorite.
My question is: how many call-in votes could a ridiculous show like this actually get? In typical fashion, American is stupider than I can ever imagine, since “Dancing with the Stars” was the most watched program Wednesday night. I’m guessing it was the handsome blue-eyed Joey McIntyre that brought in the voters, rather than some annoying chick from “General Hospital” or Mr. Peterman from “Seinfeld” (although he seemed moderately dashing as he was gliding around the dance floor).
Perhaps networks should remember back to simpler times with some good cheese-sleaze dancing on Dance Fever every Saturday afternoons. That Adrian Zmed really was a hot number.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
If anyone else saw this hideously wonderful monstrosity (what else would you expect from an Ashton Kutcher production?) and was puzzled by the stress/excitement-induced nosebleeds of "Chuck", do realize that his affliction is a quite common one -- in the world of Japanese manga, that is. For a primer, check out this: http://www.umich.edu/~anime/info_emotions.html
I can't believe I spend my free time on this crap. Sheesh. I need a real hobby.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
So, perhaps I'll take a card from the lame Bush twins book and continue on in nothingness. It seems as if these fine gals have nothing to do with their time. Check this out: http://www.wonkette.com/politics/white-house/bush-twins-unemployment-index-may-edition-101814.php
What do they do in all their nothingness? Would they be like me and catch up on their DVR'ed 90210 reruns? Are they planning on being groupies for the nationwide "American Idol" tour? Or perhaps they didn't get turned down to perform for the new Live Aid, like the Spice Girls did.
Regardless, it seems that the twins follow their father in not caring about jobs and unemployment in this country (which, of course, is just one of the many issues their dad doesn't seem to care about, but that's a story for another time).
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
One question though -- did I see Kenny G on stage at the end of the last song Bo sang on the show (and that he will ever sing in front of more people than can fit in a roadside karaoke saloon)? What was that about? For a moment I wondered if I had bought a bad case of PBR or something.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
So, here we are left with two southerners...one from Oklahoma and one from Alabama. Is everything in America now driven by red states? We, unfortunately, have a red state president, but do we have to have a red state American Idol too? Sadly, it seems inevitable at this moment.
Are blue state people just not voting in ANYTHING anymore? Do blue state people just think they are above voting for anything all together? How much longer are the blue states going to stand aside and let the red states rule everything?
Monday, May 23, 2005
"Songs with titles that feature the same number of syllables as your first pet's name"...or something
As tomorrow night is the last night our American Idols will be singing as if their lives depended on it, what do you think would be an apt theme for the songs of the evening?
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Any thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon? Am I making too much of this? Is this a common occurrence (outside of at pro wrestling matches, where any number of things or people in the room do, indeed, suck)?
Friday, May 20, 2005
Are these individual items supposed to have specific meaning? Or even more, put all together, do they symbolize something?
Regardless, thank you not-so-secret admirer!
Such wise words...perhaps we should delve into that exact issue...how long will the craptastic UPN keep this show on? I've watched my share of crappy programs, and this one is the lowest of the low. At least Jessica Simpson's husband is HOT. K-Fed has NOTHING to offer the general public, except apparently very active sperm.
In about 20 years, we'll see some type of scandalous "Behind the Music" special on Britney....
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Anyway, our fair readers, feel free to read our fine commentary, comment back to us, and sip the drink of your choice while doing so.