Thursday, June 09, 2005

Torture by Radio

It’s annoying enough that we have to be tortured by radio station playlists controlled by the supreme radio gods, Clear Channel and Infinity. But these horrid radio conglomerates torture us with the worst stuff on the market. There are a few key examples (although I’m sure there are hundreds more – please feel free to share those with us here, except any examples involving Britney Spears).

Example A: The new Backstreet Boys song.
I don’t even know the name of this song, and I really don’t want to know. I do know that it sucks. The song sounds like it was rejected by some lame country-pop artist and then passed along to the boy band for their comeback hit. I thought I never would have to see Kevin Richardson and his evil goatee, but no, I will now be haunted forever.

Example B: Will Smith’s song “Switch”

“Ooh la la la.” Yes, that’s a real line from this fine song that sounds like it was dug up from 1988. The song sounds like he’s trying to start a new rap-line dance craze, and if it is, he should be ashamed of himself. Why is Mr. Smith trying to continue his rap career with rehashed renditions of cheesey rap? Rap has come a long way since “Parents Just Don’t Understand.” Will Smith needs to stick with movies, rather than producing songs that sound like rap for over-40 year old parents or “Romper Room.”

11 comments:

Murphy's Lawyer said...

Sheesh, Elle, I hate rap as much or more as any over-40 guy, but could you ratchet down the 'tude against all things '80s? I mean, that's back when I had potential...

Elle Woods said...

I LOVE the 80s, but I like to hear music that's actually from that era, not tunes from a person who can't seem to leave 80s music where it belongs :)

I, Robot said...

Lay off, Will Smith! He's AWESOME!

Chili said...

You speak of the terrible music played on the radio and yet you fail to mention that crime against humanity known as Maroon 5?

God, how I hate them.

The Goddess said...

I LOATHE the CrapStreet Boys garbage, but...


...let the ridicule begin, because I don't hate Switch.

Elle Woods said...

I'm pointing and laughing at Goddess...

:)

Murphy's Lawyer said...

Is this where the old guy says, "Who, or what, is Switch?"

Elle Woods said...

I have no idea what "Switch" is either, other than an annoying song. I'm assuming it means something, but I really don't wanna know.

Moxie said...

I would first like to say that no matter what Will Smith does I will always love him because he gave us the Fresh Prince which will forever rub out any bad choices he makes. So next time Switch comes on the radio and you feel your insides begin to turn just think back to “the Carlton,” uncle Phill’s insatiable appetite and all of Will’s skirt-chasing antics, and be grateful for the Big Willie.

Secondly, with all this talk of Switch you guys have ignored quite possibly the worst song out right now, no not Gwen Stefani’s B A N A N A song, the R. Kelly Closet song. He basically narrates in song much like a priest in church (which is odd enough)only he is telling the tale of how he cheated with some woman one night and had to hide in her closet when her husband came home. Now the song lasts for about 5 mins and he says closet at least 50 throughout the song making it almost impossible to sit through but it you internal will to do so you will realize that the story makes no sense at all and you have just wasted 5 mins of your life.

Elle Woods said...

Hmm....I'm not familiar with the R. Kelly song...I'll have to listen up for that piece of torture.

And you know, I shoulda included the horrendously awful "Hollaback" song in this post. If I hear that song one more time, I just may become violent.

Bruiser Woods said...

You don't know the R. Kelly song? I heard it for the first time on "Best Week Ever" this past week, and almost fell out of my chair. That guy has sex with underage girls, gets into a fight with Jay-Z and cancels a joint concert tour, AND THEN tries to pawn this piece of crap on his fans??? Talk about self-confidence...

Regarding the Gwen Stefani song -- Don't you agree that, sometimes, this shit IS bananas? B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Regarding Will Smith's "Switch" -- La la la la. Works for me.

Regarding the Backstreet Boys -- I haven't heard this song yet. But for a brief moment last week, an unnamed (to protect the innocent) friend and I thought it would be a good idea to see these has-beens down on Rockafeller Plaza at their Today show broadcast. Fortunately, the rain brought us to our senses and we aborted mission before we got there.

Now that shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!