Thursday, June 16, 2005

Save Me from 90210 Reruns

As much as I love my DVR'ed 90210 reruns (I can't get enough of the sexy looks Dylan shoots at me through the screen), and as much as I look forward to watching the daily snips of "Seinfeld" and "The Daily Show," someone out there has to have something else for me to watch on TV (yes, TV should be capitalized because TV is really owed that much respect).

Yes, I understand that it is summer and I shouldn't expect much, but really, it is hot outside and I'm bored with what's on my boob tube.

So, listen up dear readers, I need your advice. Tell me what to watch on TV. But, before you tinkle your keys, please don't include any suggestions like CBS sitcoms, reruns of "Mash" or "Will and Grace," NASCAR events, stuff that involves TomKat, or anything on FoxNews. However, please do let me know of any hot, steamy selections on C-SPAN, shows about food and drink, and anything just plain bizarre.

7 comments:

Murphy's Lawyer said...

TomKat?

Bruiser Woods said...

OK. Now having survived nearly 4 years without the crutch of cable, I feel my tastes have become refined enough to be able to offer you a few choice options for passive televised and not-so-televised entertainment. Here goes:

1) Judge Judy. She's sassy. She's above the law. And she wears a doily around her neck.

2) Judge Joe Brown. He's snappier than Judge Judy. And speaks in Jive every now and again.

See? Two suggestions and I've already accounted for a total of 2 hours of viewing fun PER DAY! Let's see what else I have to offer...

3) Two and Half Men. It is time to overcome those sterotypes of CBS sitcoms. This one stars JON CRYER, for cryin' out loud! Duckie!!! "Yo, man! Next time, I'll kick your ass. That'll be that!" How I love the comic genius of John Hughes. But I digress...

4) Weird NYC public access cable shows. We got a whole world of locally produced crap up here! Right now I'm watching some guy's R&B video that looks like he filmed it in his neighbor's driveway. Genius! Sometimes they show backyard wrestling. I know you love backyard wrestling. And, if you're REALLY lucky, sometimes (just sometimes) they have "artsy" shows with naked people doing weird things. Like eating a hoagie on the toilet. Not sexy, but intriguing. Reminds me of the time a guy in my freshman dorm took a meatloaf into the bathroom. Guess he was hungry.

5) The Trachenburg Family Slideshow Players. Not a TV show, but sometimes it is ok not to watch TV. I saw these goofballs on a sunday morning news show (on CBS, no less!) and haven't been able to get them out of my head since. I listen to this song on my iPod at least 3 times a day. SO much better than crack. Check out the video -- http://edit-video.com/video/MT.html

6) Hell's Kitchen. Just because they had a contestant named "Dewberry". That's a funny name. Too bad he got canned in Week 2.

7) Legally Blonde on DVD. Like an old friend...always there when you need it.

Bruiser Woods said...

Murph --

You didn't just say "TomKat?" as in "What is a TomKat?" did you?

Is your TV broken, or something? Forget the URL to the Drudge Report? Living the monastic life?

I am impressed.

Murphy's Lawyer said...

I confess. I am not familiar with this "TomKat" thing.

Elle Woods said...

Oh Murphy....

Think "Benifer"...that is your clue.

Get it yet?

And Bruiser...

Such fine choices you lay out for me. You are a funny man. I can only dream of living in that city to the north. Instead, I watch DC's version of public access...C-SPAN.

The Goddess said...

I have no decent suggestions; I stay up late to watch reruns of Murphy Brown.

Moxy said...

I think Adult Swim on Cartoon Network is a good option for you. I watch Futurama and Family Guy every night and I think it is a good way to end my day, there is always a lesson to be learned from the lovable Bender. But I have always found that summer is a time to embrace the dark underbelly of TV. There is not much on worth watching so you just have to watch the crap until you start liking it, and you will. I would start with the Disney channel, both 1 and 2 (and 3 if they have that many). Catch up with the adorable Raven Symone, she has come a long way from her days on the Cosby Show and she is now playing a psychic teen who tries to fix the flubs she sees in the future and gets into I Love Lucy situations along the way. She has two sidekicks, a dumb redhead (I think you can connect with that) and a chubby wanna be rapper. Oh and she is a fashion diva, so snap, snap, snap.

Then you can move on over to TV Land or Nick at Night (are they not the same thing?) and pay a visit to your favorite horny man pretending to be gay, Jack Tripper, and like the song says, he has been waiting for you. This show will transport you back to a time when TV was less PC and it was ok and even funny to call gay people fairies, fruit loops, queer boys or whatever else your little heart desired. This trio shows us time and time again that you are one assumption away from comedy.

Ok enough crap, the answer to your summer TV problem is VH1. You can get all your celebrity gossip from D rate celebs making fun of the people they wish they were. I believe there is a new season of the Surreal Life starting soon and Omarosa and the heinous dried up model judge from America’s Next Top Model are on it. Prediction: one of them will get their weave pulled out. They also have a new show where they take these random men and turn them into strippers. This is show is great simply for the fact that for once the men are being objectified.

So there you are, your summer TV lineup. Oh but if all that fails you let me know, I have a hilarious video from my last day of classes that involves my friend Doug eating dead flowers out of a dorm trash can and demonstrating how to give a “rim job” (using his hands) super close to the camera.