Thursday, September 22, 2005

Bruiser and Elle's Excellent Adventure -- Take 2

Thanks are due to Elle for so wittily describing our visit to Centralia. But it was a long day, with much more to talk about. Here's Part 2 of our premiere travel series:

On our way to the burning town of Centralia, we decided we would all benefit from a crash course on the wonders of anthracite coal and the impact it has had on the economy and social fabric of Pennsylvania. And what better place to learn about coal than in a coal mine! Fortunately, the folks at the Pioneer Tunnel Coal Mine have placed signs all along the roads between Pottsville and Centralia, serving as a beacon to those thirsty for coal knowledge.

Pioneer Tunnel features a quaint little gift shop where you can buy everything from a history of the Yuengling beer dynasty to lumps of dirty anthracite coal for the kids to play with. But the real attraction is their mine tour. For just $8 you can hop inside a mine car, ride 1800 feet into the side of a mountain, and have Tom-the-mine-tour-guide tell you all about the history of regional coal mining in his best central PA accent! Tom is no run-of-the-mill tour guide, either – he will wow you with his knowledge, tickle your funny bone with his wit (favorite joke: “Now that we’re here in the mine, grab a shovel and get to work!”), and befuddle you with riddles (He asked everyone on the tour, “Where are you from? [PAUSE for reply] Are you an Eagles fan?” I never figured out what answer he was looking for…).

A word to the prospective mine tour taker – mines are cold, even in summer. Fortunately, Pioneer Tunnel makes the comfort of their guests priority #1 and offers a wide assortment of loaner jackets for the under-dressed traveler! The pleather number I chose even came complete with a snack – there were handfuls of cookie crumbs in BOTH pockets! Was I lucky or what??? Paulette “Bend and Snap” Bonafont√©, our trusty photographer, looked particularly stunning in the velveteen corduroy smoking jacket that he selected.


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Elle Woods said...

Frickin' ads. So annoying.

Anyway, Bruiser is brilliant. I couldn't have described our travels any better. We should really extend our blog to multimedia so that you all could have heard the weird mine tour guy speaking to us in his odd accent.

Lastly, I think its especially funny that Paulette is a transvestite. He he he. And Bruiser looked stunning in his 1980s vinyl!

Anonymous said...

Paulette doesn't look too eager to follow you into "Buck Mountain Gangway", Bruiser. Perhaps you should have worn fur?