Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Turducken – Not Just Another Mystery Meat

As Thanksgiving rapidly approaches, we all must fondly reflect and consider the many things for which we’re thankful. This year I want to give thanks for an important part of American cuisine – the turducken. This often laughed at delicacy truly demonstrates American ingenuity. We should thank our inventive forefathers, be it in Cajun country or eastern Texas, for dreaming big and not stopping until each bird was securely stuffed. I’m sure many, many hours were spent toiling over the oven to perfect this wondrous creation. Melding the layers of turkey, duck, chicken and stuffing takes a gentle hand, hours of patience, and a strong stomach (as the above image looks a little “interesting”).

Let us also thank famed football announcer John Madden for sharing the once strange idea of several birds stuffed into each other. It was John who talked about this magical delight and gave the turducken its now famed recognition. I hope you take time to read this National Geographic tribute to the turducken, as you too will become thankful for the turducken. And the next time you have 12-16 hours to spare, perhaps you should say, “I’m going to make a turducken!”

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thank You, People

Few things brighten my day at work more than the unveiling of People’s Sexiest Man Alive issue. The editors got it right this year by naming one of my faves, Matthew McConaughey, as the Sexiest Man Alive for 2005. Although he dates a bird girl, his ravishing good looks and sweet smile can make anyone a believer. The other sexy men included are goodies too: Patrick Dempsey (the second best guy in “Sweet Home Alabama”), Nick Lachey (yes, I’m really a teenage girl), Matt Damon (an oldie but goodie), Vince Vaughn (the brooding, bad boy, hot guy), Anderson Cooper (not as hot as Bill Hemmer, but he’s on FoxNews now, so he deserves nothing), and Clive Owen (see “Closer” and you will agree to this choice). Despite these skilled selections, People’s editors needs their collective heads examined if they really think the sleazy, over-smoked Dennis Leary and the frightening Ian McShane are anywhere close to sexy.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Finally, a political party for the rest of us


Tired of sissy, mealy-mouthed Democrats? Sick of rabid Bible-thumpin', poor-people-hatin', hypocritical Republicans? Well, brothers and sisters, I bring you good news...

I learned of the "Rent is Too Damn High" Party when voting in my local polling station here in my NYC 'hood last week. Now there's a platform I can really get behind! And they have a fun little theme song. And wacky party officers. And a fantastic web-site disclaimer! Huzzah!

Goodbye, Eddie


I may not have always liked the character he played, but I was disappointed to read this morning of the passing of WWE superstar Eddie Guerrero. He was a truly despicable wrestling "heel", and if anyone had to play the sterotypical role of "Latino Heat" he at least did it with gusto. Smackdown definitely won't be the same without you, Eddie. Thanks for the good times.

How the Rich Get Everything...Part One

Check out the latest story on WV girl Katie Lee Joel, yes, wife of the infamous Billy Joel. OK, so this girl may have slept on an air mattress in my small, un-fancy condo, and now she is rich, beautiful, famous and has a show about being a food expert. No, I'm not bitter at all. The best part of the story is when it discusses how she is an expert in food, noting that she has "worked in a few restaurants." My co-blogger put it best when he noted in an email: "I worked in a Roy Rogers. Does that make me a food expert?" I think that about sums it up.

VH1: Where One Washed Up Star Show Leads to Another

I’m not typically a voracious purveyor of VH1 programming, but this weekend Peter Brady coerced me to watch. Yes, you know, Christopher Knight, the washed-up, now over-40 former member of the Brady family. Since his pre-pubescent days on my favorite after-school rerun, he’s gotten buff and landed himself a hot model from my co-blogger’s favorite show, “America’s Next Top Model.” Of course, they didn’t meet on the street; these two met on yet another VH1 reality show where former stars go for a few more bucks, “The Surreal Life.” I must be getting old (or perhaps skanky, like his 22-year old “Top Model” babe) since I watched four episodes of the pleasant “My Fair Brady” soley because I found Peter to be charming and attractive. Perhaps Chris Knight isn’t so washed up afterall…

Anyway, things quickly went downhill after the conclusion of “My Fair Brady.” VH1’s tricky, cross-marketing efforts brought me to yet another show with washed up celebrities.
“But Can They Sing” is the latest attempt by pseudo celebrities to grasp one more shot at fame thinking they are trying out for “American Idol.” I watched it primarily for glimpses of the still-hot Antonio Sabato Jr., but the show’s concept and singing participants are just ridiculous. Do you know Bai Ling or Michael Capon? Neither do I, but apparently they are celebrity-enough to get on this show. Sadly, this show was just so bad I wasn’t even amused at its lameness. Whatever you do, no matter how bored you are, do not watch this show. Back to 90210 reruns I go.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

And to think I felt dirty after downloading the latest Kelly Clarkson single...

First there were porn podcasts. Now the new "video iPod" has made it possible for us all to enjoy video smut during our workouts, at the laundromat, or while waiting for the bus. Hooray for technology!

Royce's may offer choices, but Apple allows for porn portability!

Note: Special thanks to Fox News for making this important news available to America's families.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

A Sticky, and Maybe Stinky, Situation

You always hear about toilet seat pranks in schools and dorms, but you don't hear much outside those realms...until now. Pop over here and you will read a cheeky story about a man who got stuck on a toilet seat at the Home Depot. It had me giggling for a few minutes. Best part was that his coworkers didn't believe he was stuck!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Special Plates Are Too Wiggy

This may truly be the most unique custom license plate in America....the "Square Dancer" plate, available to all you West Virginians out there. I thought Nascar plates, or a bowler plate (for real - this does exist), was funny, but nothing is quite as bizarre as this. Don't ya love the flowy skirt image? Next time I register a car in WV, I'm getting a fun plate like this.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Happy Halloween! But what to wear?!?

Inspired by Elle's post last week about folks selling Halloween costumes for iPods on the Internet, I decided to dress up my little friends for a little trick-or-treat action this holiday season. But I'm cheap, so we've opted to make homemade costumes over paying for those overpriced fancy-pants ensembles. Here is our first attempt -- Shuffie and Big Boy as Jessica and Ashlee Simpson.

Do let me know if you have any other fun suggestions for the kids.

Not Neo-Olsens, But Real Neo-Nazis

No, these chicks aren't the Olsen twins' younger sisters. They are more like evil twins. For your daily piece of disturbing information, check out this article about two freaky 13 year olds who are singing about white supremacy. Brainwashed by their evil parents, they make records singing about how the white race needs protecting. I'm sure it won't surprise you that they are home schooled (I will not even go on a tirade about that today...). And I'm sure it won't surprise any of us when they turn to the dark side one day and become hoochies.

Anyway, this is just what pop music needs (note my sarcastic tone). If I ever hear these fools on the radio, I will immediately run out and buy an Ashlee Simpson album, because although she is annoying, she is not spreading hate.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Are Ipods the New Pet?

I'm the first to admit that my friendly Apple iBook G4 is my pet. I'm allergic to cats, dogs and probably bunnies, so my happy little reliable laptop will have to remain as my only pet. Well, its seems that other people think their iPod is a pet, as the latest craze in iPod accouterments are costumes. Yes, there is a new web site devoted to Halloween (and other holiday) costumes for iPods. Gadgets and silly stuff is all fun and games, but dressing an iPod is far worse than dressing a dog (which of course has its own ridiculous quality too). Anyway, if you are looking for a Christmas present for someone who really has everything, maybe this is a site for you. And Bruiser, I know Shuffie woulda really liked to have been a pirate...

Sunday, October 16, 2005

2006 Olympics Here We Come!


Bruiser and I are jazzed for the 2006 Olympic hockey tryouts. While Bruiser explored the U.S. curling circuit (for real!), he determined that a sport using a broom on ice just wasn't for him. And I just couldn't muster up enough fake emotions, or brightly colored sequined outfits, to continue any further on the ice dancing circuit. So, these "challenges" have brought us to the two-person team mini hockey competition. While we expect tough battles from the Kyrgykstan and Oman national teams, we believe our training and ample match play will be tough to beat.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Bork Didn't Bork Us

Last week, I had the "pleasure" of being wined and dined (or really, not wined enough) at National Review's 50th Anniversary party. Donning the requisite "Republican" pearls, and accompanied by a dashing Vivian Kensington, I was happy to gawk at many famous members of the dastardly party, including: the bombastic Rush Limbaugh, the psuedo-aristocratic William F. Buckley, the villainous Brett Bozell, George W's master of messed up words -- speechwriter Michael Gerson, Bob "Dr. Evil" Novak, and Sen. Joe Lieberman (who I'm sure turned over his Dem credentials as soon as the 2000 election was called to a halt).

What Republican church revival event would be complete without a "celebrity"? So, to make my night complete (since they clearly didn't tell the wait staff to pour guests enough wine), Vivian pleaded with me to get a picture alongside the infamously rejected Robert Bork. Poor guy seems to have aged without his scraggly goatee. I'm just sad that I wasn't intoxicated enough to get my own picture with an anti-celebrity.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tony Danza Bonanza, indeed!

How’s this for a way to celebrate Columbus Day? As I was walking home from the dry cleaners yesterday I nearly tripped over Tony f’n Danza on my block! Ay oh, oh ay!

This is huge! I mean, this man wields such power that he has starred in at least 3 sitcoms as characters named “Tony” and helmed not one, but TWO shows titled “The Tony Danza Show”! (According to IMDB, he also served as executive producer for some TV movie called “Sudden Terror: The Hijacking of School Bus #17”, but I don’t remember that one.)

Why NYC chose Antonin Scalia and not Mr. Danza as their Italian-American rep to grand marshall the Columbus Day Parade, I’ll never understand.

To try to make up for this slight, I hereby dedicate today’s STSS post to Anthony Salvatore Iadanza. Thanks for making TV worth watching, Ton’!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Even Hobos Like National Parks

Ahh…I have returned from my busy travels in the American Southwest. There is much red rock, canyons and open spaces as you travel from Vegas to Utah to Arizona. It’s certainly a different world from the busy, tree-lined, coastal feel of the East Coast.

But people change when they wander away from home. I found Paulette Bonafonte taking up a hobo way of life at Bryce Canyon National Park in Utah. However, Paulette had to drink many, many beers out of a paper bag to pass out, as Utah beer can have no more than 4% alcohol. We determined that not only is 4% alcohol beer stupid, but it also tastes bad too. We deserve better from Orrin Hatch.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Multiple Wives Scare Me

I, Elle Woods, have been criss-crossing America's great Southwest during the past week, hitting places such as Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and Colorado City, Arizona. While I've missed blogging the past few days (Internet access hasn't swept the Southwest like it has in our nation's cities), I did get the pleasure of seeing my first polygamist community. YAY! It's quiet nature on a late Saturday morning and strangely sizeable houses led us (myself and traveling companion, Paulette Bonafonte) to become suspicious of what this town in the middle of nowhere was about. After a brief search upon our return to civiliation, we found that Colorado City, Arizona, is a famous polygamist community. I wish I had the chutzpah to knock on a random door and see a real-life polygamist family up close, but alas, I'm a wuss.

And don't worry, you'll get to hear (and maybe see) more Southwest adventures in upcoming days...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

What's better than a $50 iBook?

This is a pretty good idea -- a $100 laptop to distribute to children in developing nations.

Just think. In a few years, school kids in Costa Rica will just have to crank their computer for 10 minutes to access the latest non-news on Save the Squared Stage!!!

Do I detect a new method to acheive international understanding and (eventually) world peace??? I think I speak on behalf of Elle when I say we here at STSS accept this responsibility with humble hearts.

Al Jazeera's New Spinmeister

This is classic. Seems the Marine captain made a superstar by the documentary Control Room is now an employee of Al Jazeera. Well, the upcoming English-language Al Jazeera International, anyway.

If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?

Print and audio coverage of this wackiness is just a click away.

You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried, kids...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Now that's dedication!

In response to Elle's challenge to make this blog multimedia, I offer y'all a link to a story about a girl in Moldova who loves that Harry Potter. So much so that she's transcribed the entirety of the latest book by hand because she couldn't afford to buy it. Guess she's never heard of a library card.

And if you don't like that, dig this. Or this. Kids these days are all freaks, I tell ya...