Blender's Worst List

Blender Magazine recently listed their worst artists in music history. While this is a pretty good rundown, there are a few problems:
1. Calling many of these people "artists" is just wrong. Do you really consider Master P to be an artist? Same for Whitesnake? I think not.
2. 98 Degrees rules! How can you not like the underdog boy band with cutie Nick Lachey?
3. Ranking Yanni #15 is way too low. He should be ranked #2, right after the pan flute-playing guy on the infomercials.
4. Jamiroquai!?!? On THIS list? Come on people. His tunes are fun, dancey and catchy.
5. No band that has performed on an episode of 90210 should be included on this list, so Color Me Badd needs to be exchanged for Fergie or J.C. Chasez cuz they really do blow.
6. Where is Josh Groban on this list? He is an affront to all humanity. He really should stop torturing old women.

However, I applaud Blender for not forgetting the crimes against humanity delivered by Celine "Horsey Girl" Dion, the Gypsy "We Are Trying to be Exotic" Kings, Creed, Michael "I Should Have a Hairball" Bolton, Kenny "Nothing I Play is Even Close to Jazz" G and Lee "I Get Rednecks on Their Feet to Salute" Greenwood. And mostly, thank you, Blender, for including Vanilla Ice. May I never have to see or hear his only famous song karaoke'd ever again.

Super Yum Pops

It's true. I may be a little intrigued with ways to work alcohol into typically unalcoholic food products. Everyone has a hobby. For instance, last night some friends and I were considering the possibility of pudding shots (instead of the normal jello shots), as pudding is way higher class and more mature than jello.

So today I stumble upon Freaky Ice. Not only does it have a funky name, but these new ice pops are also an ingenious way to consume alcohol with fun flavors like Lemon Stinger, Cherry Fusion, and Passion Cocktail. More importantly, its transportable for those specials days you just can't be lazily watching bad tv.

The inventor of this product should seriously be considered for the next Nobel Prize. Innovation like this needs to be rewarded.

I *Heart* The Bell

Can you imagine ever eating $12,500 worth of Taco Bell? Have you already eaten $12,500 in double decker tacos in your lifetime? If so, I applaud you. Anyway, The Hell is offering $12,500 in Taco Bell bucks if you donate that Playstation 3 you just slashed someone at Wal Mart for. I'm serious. I could totally wait until later for a PS3 if I got a lifetime supply of calories. Just think of the party you could throw...

All Hail the Cocktail!

Just as I'm convinced there is a trade or professional association for everything, there is now a museum for everything. Fortunately, this museum is for something good, and it shares valuable information like, "Martha Washington enjoyed daily toddys. In the 1790s, "happy hour" began at 3:00 p.m. and cocktails continued until dinner." If happy hour only began at 3pm in the 21st century...the world might be a more relaxed, peaceful and happy place. Certain world leaders should consider this fine thought....

Short cuts...

My blog buddy and I have been slacking lately, so I thought I'd try to make up for our lack of recent activity with a few fun links to bide your time until we feel inspired to write again:

-- Like those Apple ads with the Mac guy and the PC guy? You'll like them even more in Japanese!

-- Here's a fun NPR story on election ads and the guys who do the voice-overs for them.

-- Someone sent me a link to this video the other day. I actually had this album in junior high.

-- Jagshemash! I thought the movie was a little flat, but here are some of Borat's greatest hits.

McCreepy

McDonalds' McRib sammich has creeped me out for at least two decades. Perhaps it's because the McRib in no way resembles an actual rib, and I fear the lab where this was created? Or maybe it's the pickles on the sammich, which seem like an odd condiment for any rib-like product. Anyway, a few years ago Mickey D's said they were axing this craptastic sammich for good. However, due to "popular demand," McRib is back for its Farewell Tour Part Deux. Who are these people who "demand" to eat this psuedo-pork McCrappy sammich? It's best to just blame it on Republicans...no other explanation makes sense.

Toasting to Soaps

Never would I have expected Susan Lucci and Tim Russert to be in the same room together, let alone me be in the room too! Yet, just this week, they were side-by-side at the "Broadcasting & Cable's Hall of Fame Dinner" in NYC. Following Mayor Bloomberg's quip about appearing on "All My Children" a few years back (um, yeah, I'm not even commenting on how that's creepy), TV's Erica Kane invited ole Tim to guest star on "All My Children" as well. Would he play her reincarnated love interest? A baby thief? Her long lost sister who had a sex change?

This is Me

I saw this photo* yesterday and I was reminded of myself. This is how I feel a lot of evenings as I surf cable's finest programming options and ponder my uber-white skin. Argh.

*Photo altered slightly for beer preference.

Frozen Breakfast

Bacon is often celebrated as a mythical food; a delicacy with a deeply devout following. Late night banter between bacon lovers often produces dreams of new ways to eat the salty strips. So, because of recent chatter surrounding the possibility of bacon ice cream, my SO and I took on the challenge and created Breakfast Ice Cream. This tasty treat is homemade maple ice cream with small chunks of frozen pancakes and crispy bacon pieces. It truly is a frozen breakfast. I'll go out on a limb and say it's truly original. Ben & Jerry will be knocking down the doors any day now.

This man frightens boy scouts!

Heck, boy scouts have a right to be frightened in a world plagued by rouge helicopters and sports arenas without competing tenants.

Confused? Listen to the gospel according to David Thompson.

Dreams do come true!

So I happened to be browsing recent wrestling results on PWTorch.com when I happened upon this little tidbit -- a former Real World kid is now a WWE wrestler! Mike Mizanin of "Real World 10: Back to New York" has managed to turn his "The Miz" character into the latest wacky crossover in sports entertainment. I guess all those appearances on RW/RR Challenges just weren't paying the bills. We here at STSS wish The Miz the best of luck!

Vodka Tasting - Numero Uno: Battle of the Flavors

A few friends and I have dedicated ourselves to finding the perfect vodka for every occasion. It is not an easy task, as we must subject ourselves to several rounds of sipping many selections. First we must taste each vodka straight up (with an optional ice cube), then each vodka with seltzer, and lastly each vodka in some type of mixed cocktail.

This round included three females and one male. All pledged their devotion and excitement for the event. And, following the event's conclusion, all pledged to participate in future tastings.

Tasting Numero Uno: Citrus and Vanilla Vodkas

Lineup - Part A: Ketel One Citroen versus Absolut Citron
(mixed cocktail for this round: vodka, cranberry and a tad of limeade....named last evening the "East-West Highway")
Winner - Part A: Ketel One easily wins the straight, with seltzer and with mixer categories. Due to how sucky Absolut tasted versus Ketel One, we have all signed contracts banning Absolut Citron from our lives, unless we're serving it to large dumb groups or people we don't really like. One taster repeatedly commented about the "Lemon Pledgey-ness" of the Absolut. The group unanimously thought the Ketel One was very smooth in the mixed cocktail.

Lineup - Part B: Solti Vanilla versus Absolut Vanilla
(mixed drink for this round: vodka and Coke Zero)
Winner - Part B: Stoli Vanilla wins the with selzter category, but Absolut Vanilla wins in the mixed drink category. Absolut Vanilla seemed to hide the fake sweetener in the Coke Zero better than the Stoli. So diet drinkers: heed the warning!

Next up: Battle of the plain vodkas. Stay tuned.

Butt-toucher

I love this ad. In case our audience hasn't seen it, I offer it here. Because I am to please.

Tokyo Report - Part 1

Call it good luck. Call it karma. Call it divine intervention. Whatever it was, it was pretty cool.

There I was in the lobby of my hotel in Tokyo last week when a friend says to me, “Hey, that’s Antonio Inoki!”

Before you ask, let me explain that Antonio Inoki was only one of the very best Japanese pro-wrestlers in recorded history. So famous that he once battled Mohammed Ali! And was in a Bad News Bears movie! And then, just to keep them guessing, he became a member of parliament for a while (the Japanese national parliament, not Parliament Funkadelic, though that would be pretty cool too…). He’s even met Saddam Hussein!

Alas, Mr. Inoki quickly boarded a waiting limo and disappeared into the night before I had a chance to snap a photo. But I now include him in an ever-growing list of pro-wrestling legends I have encountered, however briefly, in civilian life:

• John Kronos of The Eliminators – I bumped into him and his daughter at Geno’s Steaks in South Philly. Nice guy.
  
• The Great Sasuke – Another wrestler/politician. I even got his business card!
• Detox – A neighbor of mine growing up. He didn’t look like this then.
• Some buff lady wrestler from Kentucky – I wish I could remember her name. She kindly took photos with me and my friends at a pro-wrestling event we attended in a local gymnasium. She said she worked during the week as a bouncer in a Tokyo gaijin bar.
  

Stayin' Alive

With all the Congressman Foley madness running rampant in DC, I am obliged to post some new song lyrics penned by a stroke of genius today. The side photo inspired these lyrics. (And for those who don't know, the other guy in the photo is Michael Brown, otherwise known as "Brownie" to George Bush. He's the former FEMA director who was "doing a great job" when the administration was, um, "forgetting" about a big hurricane.)

The new "Stayin' Alive" written by "Professor Callahan":

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a pompous man: no time to talk.
Broken levies, pages warm, we sucked a silver spoon
When we were born.
And now it's all right. It's ok.
And you may look the other way.
We can surely understand
ABC news' effect on man.

Whether I'm a cruiser or whether I'm a boozer,
I'm stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
But were stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

Well now, you get low and I get high,
And I roll my pants and I stay dry.
Got the seed of pages on my shoes.
Dirty old men... just cant lose.
You know it's all right. It's ok.
I'll live to see another day.
And we don't give a hot goddamn...
'Bout ABC's effect on man.

Whether I'm a cruiser or whether I'm a boozer,
I'm stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
But were stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

You're goin' nowhere. But we won't help you.
Nobody helps you, yeah.
You're goin' nowhere. But we won't help you.
Good luck, good luck on stayin' alive.

Benefits of the Job

Did you know that no one physically controls the cameras when The Weather Channel is live on tv? It's true! This is one of the fun facts I learned when I got a tour of The Weather Channel studios today. Some dude sitting at a computer moves the cameras. Hilarious! All the people forecasting the weather are sitting in the middle of the studio feeding the on-air people info, who are usually right in front of their version of a newsroom.

And check out this guy...I met him (apparently his name is Marshall, not that I knew this before looking him up on the Internet moments ago) and he is just as cheesy as he looks in this photo. In fact, if you were watching TWC between 9:30 and 10am this morning, you would have seen me walk through the studio behind my new friend Marshall! Ha!

I also learned that the female weather people on tv have stalkers! Apparently there are some weirdos out there who try and stalk these chicks. Ahhh...better add "weather" to the list of fetishes in the world...

Thanks, WB

The "WB" is my favorite double entendre this week as it's quite ironic that I need to say thanks to a few WBs at the same time.

First, I'd like to thank the World Bank for telling me not to vacation in Somalia or East Timor because of terrorism, armed conflict and epidemic disease (the WB released a new report on places not to travel). YUM! While I was considering these locations for my next exotic canoeing adventure, I will now refocus my efforts into vacationing in Iraq, which strangely is not listed. Umm...I can't even fathom how Iraq is a safe and fun place to grab some marginally fresh meat kabobs and see some blown-up historical sites right now.

As for the other WB, the fine WB network, I must say thanks for the memories. The WB this week will evolve into the CW -- the pulling together of UPN and WB shows into a "new" network. So, thank you for the sappy teen drama with dialogue written specifically for an adult audience (Dawson's Creek). And thanks for sharing the tales of a whiney college student in the big city (Felicity). The countless hours I've wasted (and now continue to waste - thank you Noggin for bringing me DC) made life that much happier for me.

All Hail the Nyfork!

Continuing my fascination with bizarre kitchen products (especially ones that are pimped on late night TV), I stumbled across the Nyfork today. Could this be the world's most perfect eating utensil? No longer do I have to remember to bring the knife AND fork to my table (coffee table that is -- America's favorite place to dine). I really hope to soon see the Nyfork's infomercial. I must learn how many different things this special utensil can cut, cuz I eat pizza with my own greasy fingers (no word on when they will get their own infomercial).

Everyone's Favorite Cousin

Do you remember Cousin Oliver? Well I certainly do, being the "Brady Bunch" junkie that I am. A certain significant other of mine wouldn't have a clue if I made a reference to Cousin Oliver in passing, but not all of us can be weened on TV. Still, I find making these bizarre TV references part of my life. Anyway, just thought I'd share a "blast from the past" interview with him from today's Post. Funny stuff.

I love the Internet. I love classic TV. And I love the Washington Post, the big city, national paper without feeling the need to act high and mighty.

On furries and wrestling...

OK, so I don't think these people technically qualify as furries/fursuiters, but they come pretty close...

This past weekend I decided to take in a bit of culture and caught a show by a little performance art troupe called Kaiju Big Battel (video). Basically it entails a bunch of adults dressed in Power Ranger-meets-Godzilla monster-esque costumes fighting in a pro wrestling ring, complete with elaborate back-stories and a punk rock soundtrack (the opening act was the "Japanese Action Comic Punk" band Peelander-Z -- catch them live at the old ECW Arena on 8/26!). Good guys! Bad guys! A Joey Styles-esqe commentator! Wacky props (the first match involved scaling a 12' paper mache Empire State Building)! Talk about sensory overload.

Even better was the sold-out crowd. Imagine a weird, overly-tatooed hybrid of the crowd of a Ramones show genetically-spliced with the attendees of a ComicCon. And add a few families for good measure. And a few furries (not part of the show, but fans who took it upon themselves to bring their own costumes).

A good time was had by all.

Oh, and while I'm on the subject of furries, Liane Hansen had a guest on Weekend Edtion Sunday this week who has done a little research in the furry phenomenon. Furry is the flavor of the week!