The Journal Junction

It's always fun to step outta the "big city" into a small town and read the local newspaper. Sophisticated journalism and general copy editing are typically tossed aside in favor of local gossip (in the form of police reports) and the readers' own thoughts. It's fun, yet disturbing, to read a paper like this since I wonder why newsprint is wasted for such garbage.

Anyway, to tease you bit, here are some recent gems from the "Journal Junction" section of WV's The Journal newspaper:

"“Friggin’” is a word that is ... used to denote that the object of the statement is true in the extreme, and often, that it is negative ... It is based on an understood mispronounciation of “freaking,” which carries the same meaning, i.e. “My neighbor has six freaking cars on his lawn.” It is understood the neighbor has six cars on his lawn, and that this is considered a bad thing."

"To the caller who doesn’t like sweat pants on people over 30: Well, I am over 50 and overweight. I like to wear my sweat pants, because they are comfortable, and they are warm. I encourage people like me to keep on, baby. That’s why we live in the U.S.A. I even think I wore bedroom slippers to Wal-Mart one day when I forgot to wear my shoes!"

Essentially, people call or write the paper with their thoughts on anything, and the paper actually prints these items (no, they are not just posted on the web site). If people see an item one day and want to comment, they write back via this section. It's a community dialogue!

For a giggle, visit the Journal Junction and be sure you click on the "Full Story" link to see all the entries from a given day.

International Man of Snoot

I just returned from abroad with this little nugget of humor. It isn't a typical souvenir, but rather an amusing tidbit of an egotistical and haughty fellow countryman.

Story: I met this gentleman in a wine tasting room. He gave me "his card" following tales of living on two continents and wanting to start a business. I almost guffawed in his face when I read his official (and obviously self-given) title.

What to note: Yes, the guy spells the word "connoisseur" in the French way for some unknown (but likely uppity) reason. Surprisingly, he never explained what he is a "connaisseur" (to use his spelling) of! My perverted mind has filed a mental list of possibilities.

What you can't see: The gentleman has phone numbers on three continents (two of the numbers are on the back of the card) and an e-mail address clearly exclaiming "I not just an international man of snootiness, but I went to a damn good school too!"

[Card details blurred to protect the privacy. I feel so kind now.]

Furry wrestling from outer space (in an outer borough)

So I attended my second ever live Kaiju wrestling event on Friday night and enjoyed it thoroughly. You may recall I posted on this phenomenon a while back. This most recent event was certainly no let down. Not only did I get to see a space bug beat up a guy dressed as a dust bunny, but I also witnessed a hybrid octopus-boulder defeat a giant waffle. And to top it all off, I saw two titles change hands. Truly a historic night.

The venue was nearly as much fun as the event. The Warsaw in Brooklyn doubles as the "Polish National Home." I'm not sure what that means, but I do know they serve a nice kielbasa in a delicious roll (not quite Amaroso, but nearly as tasty). And I now have a new favorite Polish beer -- Zywiec.

Deer on Crack

I have a special place in my heart for the "grittier" cities of America (Detroit not included in this happy feeling, of course). Nothing sums up the grittiest of American towns -- Baltimore -- than a recent quote from famed filmmaker (and lifelong Baltimorean John Waters). While in a bar in his hometown, Waters asked a guy what he did for a living. The guy responded, "Can I be frank? I trade deer meat for crack."

Obviously this quote conjures up numerous thoughts:
- Do crack dealers or crackheads have a penchant for venison?
- Does crack cause people to want deer meat?
- Are there markets for other meats when trading in animals and crack?
- Does he use the crack or sell it again for more profits?
- Do people give deer any crack before they are killed?

I think this deserves a read of the whole article. And of course, a viewing of John Waters most underrated flick (and my personal fave), Pecker.

Beer in a Punkin'

I love beer...and I love pumpkin...yet I don't love pumpkin beer. However, I was truly fascinated by literally brewing beer IN a pumpkin. Check out the whole brewing process. Amazing.

Of course, I need to give the Internet a shout-out for bringing this to my attention. I love you Internet!

Vodka Tasting: Take Cinco de Mayo

Well, it wasn't the 5th of May, but it felt like a party when the gang gathered to do another round of vodka tasting. The theme of this round was: more plain vodkas you often see at bars that we haven't tried yet. Yeah yeah, I know it's not a creative theme, but the non-flavored vodkas truly make the cocktails we all know and love. So, on with the results!

Vodka Tasting Take Five's Lineup: Svedka (Sweden), Three Olives (UK) and Reyka (Iceland).

Tonight was a little different than usual in that the two ladies and one gentleman had differing opinions on the vodkas, especially with the Three Olives. So, let's break it down a bit.

Best vodka straight up for the night: Svedka *barely* beat out Reyka for this title. Both ladies thought the Three Olives straight was horrid, with Goddess exclaiming that this tastes "chemically like an ultra-light cupcake" and "tastes like DC tap water." Strangely, the gentleman liked the Three Olives.

Best vodka with soda: Svedka, in it's very blue Ikea-looking bottle, was the clear winner for this category with all 3 tasters scoring this the highest. Reviews were "inoffensive" and "has a decent sweetness."

Best in a mixed cocktail: This round Reyka with its Icelandic lava-distilled goodness won, inciting comments of "clean" and "a little sweetness." Guess that lava works.

Overview: Svedka, which was $8.99 for the 750ml bottle this week, is a very good "bang for the buck." It would be a good choice for your next party when you don't want to go broke serving Ketel One. Our gentleman taster really like Three Olives best in his overall scoring, but frankly, the ladies thought it was just plain bad (and who really wants vodka from the UK anyway). Reyka did fine...but not so amazingly better than Svedka that you'd necessarily want to plop down an extra $10 or more bucks a bottle.

An aside, when selecting what seltzer or club soda you're drinking at home...we recommend paying the extra few cents for the Vintage (or other good brand). When using store-brand Zazz this round, we noted its crappiness and thought the better seltzer must be made by the Jews.

Smelly Smelly

Score for the strangest thing I read today...KFC wants to put the aroma of Kentucky Fried Chicken in the halls and offices of corporate America. If only I was lying, but this is from a legitimate press release on the KFC site.

Basically, Colonel Sanders wants to put some kind of smell-o-lator on mail carts to spread the good news of chicken in offices, including here in DC. Frankly, it sounds more like they are spreading nausea to me. Now if they were to do a combined KenTacoHut smell, I'd be into that. Mmm...gorditas + pan pizza + popcorn chicken...

Love for Bruiser

We all know Bruiser loves Japan and the wackiness that ensues there. To honor him, I found this lovely Hello Kitty bento box. Yes, it's real, made from cucumbers, rice, and other savory treats. So, next time you're in Japan, I hope you find this special box.

For more info on this precious piece of passion, pop over here.

Maybe Eddie Vedder had a stroke...

...because a stroke-induced slur is the only plausible explaination for the inscrutibility of the song "Yellow Ledbetter."

Judge for yourself.

Just because this site has been quiet lately...

Here's a little something funny. And timely, given the upcoming Kanye-50 Cent album release showdown.

The Billy Blanks method of diplomacy???

I don't know who thought this was a good idea, but they should be fired.

As his contribution to the talent show that traditionally closes the annual meeting of ASEAN member countries, Japanese Foreign Minister Taro Aso helmed an elaborate parody of Billy's Boot Camp, the workout videos hawked by Billy Blanks on infomercials across the globe. Check out the video HERE.

You gotta feel sorry for the unfortunate bureaucrats who were likely forced upon threat of demotion to serve as the supporting cast for this mess. Government salaries aren't good enough to justify this kind of abuse.

Then again, at least Japan performed its own show. Deputy Secretary of State John Negroponte just hired a bunch of Filipino singers to belt out a few showtunes. Heck, if he was just gonna hire someone and was already in Manila, he should have given these guys some work.

Danger - Might Cause Blindness

We've all been told to respect our elders, but now we're expected to get off to them, too? Well, we would if the curator of the "Golden Gals Gone Wild" art exhibit had her way.

What's next? Nude Night Court? A Jeffersons-inspired porno?

Wonders of the Far East Part 3 - Alternative Marshmallows

In this final chapter of my travel diary, I'd like to introduce you to the "Japanese Marshmallow." Walking through a morning market one day, I passed a bunch of European tourists gawking at something being sold from a mini take-out window. Curious, I approached them and saw that the object of their attention was a weirdo shopkeep selling something that looked like banana tofu. The Euro-tourists couldn't make heads or tails of what the product was, so the shopkeep excitedly shouted at them in broken English, "It's not french toast. Oh no! It's Japanese marshmallow! You try now!" They quickly scampered away without buying anything, but I thought I'd give it a go.

Tasted like scrambled eggs and sugar. Not that that is a bad thing.

Here's the recipe. I'm not sure what what "...baked 6" means. Maybe that is some sort of traditional Japanese cooking method.

Grand Tastings: Pineapple Soda

In the grand tradition of comparison tastings here at STSS, the latest is pineapple soda! Props go to my coworker (thank you Sir Pop View) for dreaming of the pineapple soda tasting. I’m not sure I ever had pineapple soda before this grand showdown.

Participants: Two lovely gentlemen and Elle Woods.
Location: Office conference room.
Favorites: Fanta (by Elle and Sir Pop View) and Jamaican (by a coworker who generally is disgusted by pineapple soda).
Other Coworkers' Views of Tasting: Very sad that we weren't tasting alcoholic beverages.
Current Status of Sodas: In office fridge becoming science experiment.

Overall Thoughts on Pineapple Sodas Tasted:
Jamaican: Candylike, which is why wacky coworker friend liked it best.
Goya: Not overly syrupy; generally decent tasting; 2^nd favorite for Elle and Sir Pop View.
Fanta: Probably the most real pineapple flavor; nice fizz.
India: Almost like pineapple juice in texture and flavor, but obviously not as good as juice.
Jupina: Strange brownish color; not very fizzy; rather bizarre.

Final Experiment: Mixing all the sodas together! Strangely, this had a decent flavor. When in doubt, mix!

It's Thriller!

Yeah, I know...there are a zillion Internet videos that your friends make you watch. You get a good giggle and then wonder why you wasted three minutes on some stupid dog doing a trick.

However, I bring to you an amazing, seemingly real Internet video that you must watch. It's Phillippine prisoners re-enacting Michael Jackson's Thriller video! No, I'm totally not lying. Be sure to notice the prisoner dressed up as the girl int he video. For more enjoyment, the prisoners also do a song from the fine film "Sister Act."

Pizza Bean Chips?

Growing up in the 1980s, I think many of us ate some strange family dinners. However, it wasn’t until this weekend that I heard of probably the strangest meal ever: pizza, baked beans and potato chips. Yup, all three items served together on a weekly basis.

When my long-time friend shared this dark family secret, those who heard this amazing anecdote (including her husband for the first time) were entertained and enthralled. Why did these items become a weekly meal? Could, say, lima beans be substituted for the canned baked beans? And what about Doritos – could they take the place of potato chips? After some research (otherwise known as asking her mom why this strange meal ever occurred), it was found that her dad just happens to really like baked beans and felt that pizza warranted a side dish.

For now, I’ll be sticking with beer as my pizza side dish. Anyone else have any strange meals as a kid?

The Shopocalypse is Near

Left-wing activism has officially gone televangelist style. It was probably only a matter of time. What do lefties like to make fun of the most? Crazy uber-Christians!

The Reverend Billy is leading the Church of Stop Shopping on a journey against the shopocalypse: when spirituality is replaced by the coveting of goods and the worshiping of credit cards. He is urging folks near and far to stop shopping, stop over consuming and stop to consider where and how goods are made (think sweatshops in India). An almighty goal, if I do say so myself.

I had the pleasure of learning about Rev. Billy via the documentary "What Would Jesus Buy?" shown at the fabulous Silverdocs Festival. The documentary travels alongside Rev. Billy and his troupe of singers/evangelists on their journey in an aging tour bus from NYC to Disneyland. Along the way, the gang stops at local churches, strip malls, the infamous Mall of America and finally ends with a sneak attack sermon/demonstration on Main Street in Disneyland (where Rev. Billy of course gets arrested).

This was one of the film's premieres, so hopefully it will receive wider release in theaters or on DVD. So in the meantime, Rev. Billy takes confessions online like all good 21st century televangelists do.

Wonders of the Far East Part 2 - Alternative Sports

I was waiting for a train last week and had a great epiphany when I saw this sign...rather than do something routine like join a softball or kickball league (kickball? tres passe!), I am now putting an official shout out for members of the first Save the Squared Stage goldfish scooping team!!!

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Bruiser, isn't goldfish scooping a singles sport?" Heck, no! The more the merrier. Those goldfish can get feisty! You're gonna want a team member to watch your back when the competition gets fierce!

Who's in? I think this event even doubles as an olympic qualifier...

Wonders of the Far East Part 1 - Cultural Diplomacy

Following a long-standing tradition of only exporting the finest American product to our friends in Asia, the United States is now responsible for introducing the Japanese to none other than Billy Blanks. Who, you ask? None other than that psycho-looking fellow who peddles tae-bo and boot camp-themed workout videos on informercials.

Billy was the theme of many a conversation I had with the locals in the past two weeks, whether they were commenting on how funny Billy's Japanese-dubbed voice is, his visit to Tokyo, or how they haven't yet developed Billy-esque abs despite daily viewings of the DVDs (yes, I actually know someone who bought these DVDs; but, heck, I also know someone who swears by the Magic Bullet).


Perhaps this is part of a new soft power diplomacy strategy by Karen Hughes to win the hearts and minds of our foreign allies.

The Philly Taco!

Just for Bruiser, a true blue Philadelphian, I bring you the Philly Taco! Bruiser and I share a deep love of Ishkabibble's, the fine cheesesteak institution that plays a big role in creating this special taco (make sure you read how this is created). Normally, I would consider bastardizing a REAL Philly cheesesteak as a horrific crime. However, since I love pizza so much (and Philly is a very under-rated pizza town), I'll let this fine concoction live free. I can't wait to get back to Philly...