Toasting to Soaps

Never would I have expected Susan Lucci and Tim Russert to be in the same room together, let alone me be in the room too! Yet, just this week, they were side-by-side at the "Broadcasting & Cable's Hall of Fame Dinner" in NYC. Following Mayor Bloomberg's quip about appearing on "All My Children" a few years back (um, yeah, I'm not even commenting on how that's creepy), TV's Erica Kane invited ole Tim to guest star on "All My Children" as well. Would he play her reincarnated love interest? A baby thief? Her long lost sister who had a sex change?

This is Me

I saw this photo* yesterday and I was reminded of myself. This is how I feel a lot of evenings as I surf cable's finest programming options and ponder my uber-white skin. Argh.

*Photo altered slightly for beer preference.

Frozen Breakfast

Bacon is often celebrated as a mythical food; a delicacy with a deeply devout following. Late night banter between bacon lovers often produces dreams of new ways to eat the salty strips. So, because of recent chatter surrounding the possibility of bacon ice cream, my SO and I took on the challenge and created Breakfast Ice Cream. This tasty treat is homemade maple ice cream with small chunks of frozen pancakes and crispy bacon pieces. It truly is a frozen breakfast. I'll go out on a limb and say it's truly original. Ben & Jerry will be knocking down the doors any day now.

This man frightens boy scouts!

Heck, boy scouts have a right to be frightened in a world plagued by rouge helicopters and sports arenas without competing tenants.

Confused? Listen to the gospel according to David Thompson.

Dreams do come true!

So I happened to be browsing recent wrestling results on PWTorch.com when I happened upon this little tidbit -- a former Real World kid is now a WWE wrestler! Mike Mizanin of "Real World 10: Back to New York" has managed to turn his "The Miz" character into the latest wacky crossover in sports entertainment. I guess all those appearances on RW/RR Challenges just weren't paying the bills. We here at STSS wish The Miz the best of luck!

Vodka Tasting - Numero Uno: Battle of the Flavors

A few friends and I have dedicated ourselves to finding the perfect vodka for every occasion. It is not an easy task, as we must subject ourselves to several rounds of sipping many selections. First we must taste each vodka straight up (with an optional ice cube), then each vodka with seltzer, and lastly each vodka in some type of mixed cocktail.

This round included three females and one male. All pledged their devotion and excitement for the event. And, following the event's conclusion, all pledged to participate in future tastings.

Tasting Numero Uno: Citrus and Vanilla Vodkas

Lineup - Part A: Ketel One Citroen versus Absolut Citron
(mixed cocktail for this round: vodka, cranberry and a tad of limeade....named last evening the "East-West Highway")
Winner - Part A: Ketel One easily wins the straight, with seltzer and with mixer categories. Due to how sucky Absolut tasted versus Ketel One, we have all signed contracts banning Absolut Citron from our lives, unless we're serving it to large dumb groups or people we don't really like. One taster repeatedly commented about the "Lemon Pledgey-ness" of the Absolut. The group unanimously thought the Ketel One was very smooth in the mixed cocktail.

Lineup - Part B: Solti Vanilla versus Absolut Vanilla
(mixed drink for this round: vodka and Coke Zero)
Winner - Part B: Stoli Vanilla wins the with selzter category, but Absolut Vanilla wins in the mixed drink category. Absolut Vanilla seemed to hide the fake sweetener in the Coke Zero better than the Stoli. So diet drinkers: heed the warning!

Next up: Battle of the plain vodkas. Stay tuned.

Butt-toucher

I love this ad. In case our audience hasn't seen it, I offer it here. Because I am to please.

Tokyo Report - Part 1

Call it good luck. Call it karma. Call it divine intervention. Whatever it was, it was pretty cool.

There I was in the lobby of my hotel in Tokyo last week when a friend says to me, “Hey, that’s Antonio Inoki!”

Before you ask, let me explain that Antonio Inoki was only one of the very best Japanese pro-wrestlers in recorded history. So famous that he once battled Mohammed Ali! And was in a Bad News Bears movie! And then, just to keep them guessing, he became a member of parliament for a while (the Japanese national parliament, not Parliament Funkadelic, though that would be pretty cool too…). He’s even met Saddam Hussein!

Alas, Mr. Inoki quickly boarded a waiting limo and disappeared into the night before I had a chance to snap a photo. But I now include him in an ever-growing list of pro-wrestling legends I have encountered, however briefly, in civilian life:

• John Kronos of The Eliminators – I bumped into him and his daughter at Geno’s Steaks in South Philly. Nice guy.
  
• The Great Sasuke – Another wrestler/politician. I even got his business card!
• Detox – A neighbor of mine growing up. He didn’t look like this then.
• Some buff lady wrestler from Kentucky – I wish I could remember her name. She kindly took photos with me and my friends at a pro-wrestling event we attended in a local gymnasium. She said she worked during the week as a bouncer in a Tokyo gaijin bar.
  

Stayin' Alive

With all the Congressman Foley madness running rampant in DC, I am obliged to post some new song lyrics penned by a stroke of genius today. The side photo inspired these lyrics. (And for those who don't know, the other guy in the photo is Michael Brown, otherwise known as "Brownie" to George Bush. He's the former FEMA director who was "doing a great job" when the administration was, um, "forgetting" about a big hurricane.)

The new "Stayin' Alive" written by "Professor Callahan":

Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk,
I'm a pompous man: no time to talk.
Broken levies, pages warm, we sucked a silver spoon
When we were born.
And now it's all right. It's ok.
And you may look the other way.
We can surely understand
ABC news' effect on man.

Whether I'm a cruiser or whether I'm a boozer,
I'm stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
But were stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

Well now, you get low and I get high,
And I roll my pants and I stay dry.
Got the seed of pages on my shoes.
Dirty old men... just cant lose.
You know it's all right. It's ok.
I'll live to see another day.
And we don't give a hot goddamn...
'Bout ABC's effect on man.

Whether I'm a cruiser or whether I'm a boozer,
I'm stayin alive, stayin alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
But were stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

You're goin' nowhere. But we won't help you.
Nobody helps you, yeah.
You're goin' nowhere. But we won't help you.
Good luck, good luck on stayin' alive.

Benefits of the Job

Did you know that no one physically controls the cameras when The Weather Channel is live on tv? It's true! This is one of the fun facts I learned when I got a tour of The Weather Channel studios today. Some dude sitting at a computer moves the cameras. Hilarious! All the people forecasting the weather are sitting in the middle of the studio feeding the on-air people info, who are usually right in front of their version of a newsroom.

And check out this guy...I met him (apparently his name is Marshall, not that I knew this before looking him up on the Internet moments ago) and he is just as cheesy as he looks in this photo. In fact, if you were watching TWC between 9:30 and 10am this morning, you would have seen me walk through the studio behind my new friend Marshall! Ha!

I also learned that the female weather people on tv have stalkers! Apparently there are some weirdos out there who try and stalk these chicks. Ahhh...better add "weather" to the list of fetishes in the world...

Thanks, WB

The "WB" is my favorite double entendre this week as it's quite ironic that I need to say thanks to a few WBs at the same time.

First, I'd like to thank the World Bank for telling me not to vacation in Somalia or East Timor because of terrorism, armed conflict and epidemic disease (the WB released a new report on places not to travel). YUM! While I was considering these locations for my next exotic canoeing adventure, I will now refocus my efforts into vacationing in Iraq, which strangely is not listed. Umm...I can't even fathom how Iraq is a safe and fun place to grab some marginally fresh meat kabobs and see some blown-up historical sites right now.

As for the other WB, the fine WB network, I must say thanks for the memories. The WB this week will evolve into the CW -- the pulling together of UPN and WB shows into a "new" network. So, thank you for the sappy teen drama with dialogue written specifically for an adult audience (Dawson's Creek). And thanks for sharing the tales of a whiney college student in the big city (Felicity). The countless hours I've wasted (and now continue to waste - thank you Noggin for bringing me DC) made life that much happier for me.

All Hail the Nyfork!

Continuing my fascination with bizarre kitchen products (especially ones that are pimped on late night TV), I stumbled across the Nyfork today. Could this be the world's most perfect eating utensil? No longer do I have to remember to bring the knife AND fork to my table (coffee table that is -- America's favorite place to dine). I really hope to soon see the Nyfork's infomercial. I must learn how many different things this special utensil can cut, cuz I eat pizza with my own greasy fingers (no word on when they will get their own infomercial).

Everyone's Favorite Cousin

Do you remember Cousin Oliver? Well I certainly do, being the "Brady Bunch" junkie that I am. A certain significant other of mine wouldn't have a clue if I made a reference to Cousin Oliver in passing, but not all of us can be weened on TV. Still, I find making these bizarre TV references part of my life. Anyway, just thought I'd share a "blast from the past" interview with him from today's Post. Funny stuff.

I love the Internet. I love classic TV. And I love the Washington Post, the big city, national paper without feeling the need to act high and mighty.

On furries and wrestling...

OK, so I don't think these people technically qualify as furries/fursuiters, but they come pretty close...

This past weekend I decided to take in a bit of culture and caught a show by a little performance art troupe called Kaiju Big Battel (video). Basically it entails a bunch of adults dressed in Power Ranger-meets-Godzilla monster-esque costumes fighting in a pro wrestling ring, complete with elaborate back-stories and a punk rock soundtrack (the opening act was the "Japanese Action Comic Punk" band Peelander-Z -- catch them live at the old ECW Arena on 8/26!). Good guys! Bad guys! A Joey Styles-esqe commentator! Wacky props (the first match involved scaling a 12' paper mache Empire State Building)! Talk about sensory overload.

Even better was the sold-out crowd. Imagine a weird, overly-tatooed hybrid of the crowd of a Ramones show genetically-spliced with the attendees of a ComicCon. And add a few families for good measure. And a few furries (not part of the show, but fans who took it upon themselves to bring their own costumes).

A good time was had by all.

Oh, and while I'm on the subject of furries, Liane Hansen had a guest on Weekend Edtion Sunday this week who has done a little research in the furry phenomenon. Furry is the flavor of the week!

What will geeks think of next?

I found this on Google Video this evening, not knowing anything about the context. Seems the song is from Avenue Q and the images are from the "massively-multiplayer online role-playing game" (MMORPG, in geek-speak) World of Warcraft.

Pretty funny stuff. Hooray for witty dorks!

Microsoft top brass is sooooo declasse...

A little bird sent me this today, pointing out that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer had taken a page out of Howard Dean's playbook. I don't agree. It is more like Ballmer was trying to prove that he is indeed the whacked-out love child of Dean and CNBC loudmouth Jim Cramer. And if you thought that was bad, take a look at how much this man can sweat. Eeeewwwww!!!

Kids Love Millionaires!

Never in a million years would I have imagined that my multi-gazillionaire former employer would be signing a kid's head. But heck, I guess it is a lot more likely than him signing someone's ass. Perhaps the office "autopen" should be sent out to sign other body parts...or even better, perhaps an official "Jay Rock" tatoo needs to be created and sold!

The Whole World Loves Infomercials

Flipping through the satellite channels (grr...satellite bad...cable good) at a beachside Turkish hotel, I found the holy grail -- a Magic Bullet infomercial! While it has been renamed "Merlin" for European audiences, I was equally dazzled in Turkey (just as I was here at home) by the fruit smoothies the "bullet" whipped and the onions it chopped.

To even further heighten my brief TV viewing, the next channel I flipped to was a "find God" informercial. I know super Jesus people like to take their message to the world and all, but taking their message to a non-Christian oriented country? I wish them luck.

I would have opted for a Bob Schieffer theme, but...

This isn't new news, but it still makes me laugh so I thought I should share.

Apparently in these great United States there exists this cool little kid who insisted on a "Jim Lehrer News Hour" theme for his 3rd birthday party. This might make him an outcast among the pre-school crowd, but he's a hero in my book. And it'll be great fodder for his college application essay in about 15 years.

So Long TV Genius

Before it gets too late, I must pay homage to the recently departed Aaron Spelling. His dream of creating television dramas aimed at teens/twentysomethings certainly brought much joy to my life over the years. Although I enjoyed the antics of a wacky cruise ship crew, it wasn't until Brandon, Brenda, Dylan and Kelly graced my screen that I knew Spelling really spelled "genius."

Thank you, Aaron, for delighting me with the sagas of rich California kids for the last 14 years (yes, 90210 is still on - check out the SOAP network daily). And thank you, Aaron, for bringing a new era of trashy soap TV via "Melrose Place" for my generation. Without you, my hours of couch potatoing would have been full of just sitcoms.

Note: We will not comment about a certain lame "family-oriented" show on the WB that Mr. Spelling is also credited as producing. His legacy should really try to separate him from that piece of ultimate dullness.