Crunches with Condi

Or "Sweatin' with the Vulcan". Or "Gettin' Ripped with Rice". So many potential names for this piece...

According to Reuters, my least favorite NBC4 newscaster, Barbara Harrison, will shock the Washington metro area with some very important news this week -- the intricacies of Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice's workout regimen. Fire up those TiVos! Or not.

What next? Will Donald Rumsfeld co-host a movie review of "Syriana" with entertainment reporter extraordinaire Arch Campbell? Or maybe Alberto Gonzalez will guest host an edition of "It's Academic" with Mac McGarry. (Editor's note: I was shocked to find that there is a Wikipedia site for "It's Academic". People have too much free time.)

Curry and Rice

I submit the following for your viewing pleasure.

Biodata? Who writes this stuff? These guys, I guess.

Fair trade?

I ain't talkin' NAFTA, folks.

No, I'm referring to a recent deal between media conglomerates Walt Disney Co. and NBC Universal that sent "Monday Night Football" announcer Al Michaels packing to NBC in exchange for the rights to Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. Oswald the what? Exactly.

Oh, the indignity!

Washingtonians Talk Funny

I love Washingtonians (and former Washingtonians). I just asked my co-blogger what he's been up to since he's been quiet as of late, and this is his reponse: You know...the usual. Slacking off. Fighting the war on terror. Watching CSPAN. Memorizing the State of the Union. You wouldn't hear that response from just anyone. I'm very amused.

RPS - Not Just a Kids Game Anymore

Everyone's favorite kids game is sweeping bars across the nation -- Rock Paper Scissors. On Wednesday night at my favorite DC bar (The Rooster), I had the pleasure of competing in the newly formed USA Rock Paper Scissors League (USARPS). Open to the masses, and sponsored by my least favorite brand of water (Bud Light), slightly drunken people are encouraged to pull out their hands and go head-to-head with fellow barmates in hopes of winning a trip to the national tournament in my new favorite city (Las Vegas). While I only came in third, I was awarded a requisite rad RPS hat and watched fellow drinking pal Peter win the night. Next up: a trip across town to watch Peter compete to be the DC RPS winner. If he wins, off to Vegas and television fame he goes! Did I mention that A&E has signed on to telecast the USARPS League finals?

DDR and WV

I love West Virginia, not just because of the lovely mountains and availability of moonshine, but because the state has started a new program to tackle obesity in kids. As one of the "largest" states in America, the kids often have weight problems, likely stemming from never learning that "fried" doesn't mean "good for you." So, the state is reaching out to kids and instituting everyone's second fave video game, Dance Dance Revolution, as part of gym class in schools! Seriously. I'm not lying. Read the reports here and here. What's next? Karaoke Revolution becomes music class?

I knew this guy couldn't be trusted!

Never bet on a guy with big hair. As if it weren't bad enough that some dude had been defaming a Kennedy administration official on Wikipedia, it seems Adam Curry (yes, that old MTV VJ Adam Curry) got busted for tweaking the site's entry for "podcasting" to try and give himself more credit for its proliferation that he is actually due.

This is technically old news, but I thought I'd post something here to document STSS' displeasure at Mr. Curry's abuse of the Internets. Shame on you, Hair Boy!

Light Beer Inventor Has Left the Building

Christmas was a little less festive this year for light beer drinkers everywhere. Before the un-sober holidays, the inventor of light beer, Mr. Joe Owades, passed away. Some would say this man had a monumental contribution to society. I, on the other hand, would say that the words "beer" and "light" shouldn't be used in the same sentence. Thanks to drinking buddy Peter for bringing this important story to my attention, and for never drinking light beer.

Washington's Holiday Lights

Before the holiday season whips by us, I must share Washington’s most famous holiday light display. Nestled amongst multi-million dollar homes in a posh DC neighborhood, one can only imagine how their neighbors must enjoy the crowds that line the streets to witness this “interesting” display every evening. What you can’t see in the photo is a decorated backyard with Santa and his reindeer, a jack-in-the-box and trees representing prayers. My favorite part was watching as people pose inside the nativity scene for a photo with the bright background.

Time to Mourn the Dunkin Donuts Guy

I have been hyper-sensitive to the ever increasing presence of ol' standby Dunkin Donuts ever since they started building one near my childhood home (construction time -- approximately 18 months!) and since noting that the directions to the Yuengling brewery use the Pottsville branch as a landmark. So I was saddened to see that Fred the Baker (aka - "Time to make the donuts" guy) passed just a few days ago. Thanks for the memories...

Festivus isn't just for TBS anymore...

Inspired by my co-blogger's explaination of why the New York City transit strike ended so abruptly ("It's a Festivus miracle!"), I thought it appropriate to post this article about a Pennsylvania town that celebrates Frank Costanza's brain-child holiday.

And did you know that there is a company in Milwaukee that sells Festivus poles? If I had only known before December 23...

Licky Licky

In our continuing series of factory and other tourist attraction tours, I recently found myself at the Ben and Jerry's factory in Waterbury, Vermont. Fortunately I didn't go to Vermont just visit B&J's, as the tour was marginally lame AND they charged $3. B&J's isn't the ice cream wonderland you'd hope it to be. There is no "make your own sundae" bar, you can't roll around in large tubs of Cherry Garcia, and you don't get to pick your own ice cream flavor to sample. Visitors are only allowed to sample a tablespoon-size serving of the two flavors of the day.

Clearly, B&J's is not in the class of the Yuengling tour. I'll blame this on the corporatization of B&J's, as it was bought by the massive food/drug/toiletry conglomerate, Unilever, a few years ago. Next thing ya know, corporatization will lead B&J's to only make vanilla ice cream.

Pimp My Nutcracker

The Internet never ceases to amaze and amuse me. During this holiday season, the Internet has yet again delivered a special gem. I hope you can visit my favorite new web site, Pimp My Nutcracker. You too can design the nutcracker that has danced in your sugar plum dreams. Print out your nutcracker creation, and sneak it into a stocking for a truly special stocking stuffer.

Jesus at work...literally

Looking for a little religion during the holidays? Not sure if you’ll find it here, but it is pretty darn funny. Be sure to visit the site it is a spoof of as well. I’m not sure which site made me laugh more.

(NOTE: I think it is important to point out that my mother introduced me to this site…and just a few minutes before we left for church today.)

Mile High Club: Problematic on a Variety of Levels

Just when you thought joining the Mile High Club might be fun and entertaining (after you spent all those years dealing your feelings of potentially touching the grossness that exists in airplane bathrooms), there is a story that will cause you to rethink your future fun. This is a story of a couple who were heard in a fit of passion in the friendly skies, and were charged the fee of diverting their plane. So next time you get Mile High dreams, either be quiet or beware.

Sodas Sodas Everywhere

Quick poll: Do you ever try the new-flavored sodas that our fine, American soda companies introduce? Do you slurp down a bottle of AMP, yet another disgusting Red Bull knock-off brewed by Pepsi? What about Sprite ReMix? And I'm not going to even start on the Thanksgiving dinner sodas recently introduced by the small Jones Soda Company. Fizzy turkey and gravy in a bottle just doesn't sound appealing.

Anyway, I ask this important question because Coke today announced they would introduce a new soda called "Blak" next year. This will be a coffee infused beverage that I'm sure will be just about as popular as the wonderously famous Pepsi Kona (as my co-blogger so sagely pointed out today). I actually tried Pepsi Kona. As a coffee and cola lover, I was disappointed when the liquid touched my tongue. I have never tasted something so disgusting.

For me, the only newish soda that's worth drinking is part of a mix concocted at Baja Fresh: Mountain Dew Code Red (actually very tasty) with a few limes and a splash of Sierra Mist...tastes just like the Sonic Cherry Limeade at Sonic Drive-Ins (which tragically are no where near the northeast). And of course, my all-time favorite is the mystery cherry soda (only labeled "cherry" on the fountain sign) at Ishkabibbles in Philly. No one makes a cherry soda any better.

This guy has a lot to say

I really don’t know what to say about this. Except that this guy loves holidays. And America. And video games. And pro-wrestling. And sports. And his favorite properties on the Monopoly game board are Boardwalk and Park Place. And he does a mean write-up of his “adventure” playing Madden on the new X-Box.

WARNING: You might want to turn the volume down on your computer before visiting Mikey’s site.

A real American hero...and IM buddy of the son of God?

A little bird pointed me in the direction of Chuck Norris’ official website the other day. (No, this is not a joke) And what a site it is! Chock full of great photos and data to “inform and inspire Chuck Norris fans all over the world”.

Of particular interest:

• Chuck Mart – Still looking for a holiday gift for that special someone? How about a poster of Mr. Norris and the full text of “Chuck’s Code of Ethics”? (“I will always be in a positive frame of mind and convey this feeling to every person that I meet.”)
• “Christian Area” – I’m not sure what this has to do with Chuck, but the page features an email from none other than Jesus himself!!! I bet they have wicked fast broadband in heaven. It is just too bad they didn't share Christ's email address with us. I guess he doesn't want to receive any spam.
  

Turducken – Not Just Another Mystery Meat

As Thanksgiving rapidly approaches, we all must fondly reflect and consider the many things for which we’re thankful. This year I want to give thanks for an important part of American cuisine – the turducken. This often laughed at delicacy truly demonstrates American ingenuity. We should thank our inventive forefathers, be it in Cajun country or eastern Texas, for dreaming big and not stopping until each bird was securely stuffed. I’m sure many, many hours were spent toiling over the oven to perfect this wondrous creation. Melding the layers of turkey, duck, chicken and stuffing takes a gentle hand, hours of patience, and a strong stomach (as the above image looks a little “interesting”).

Let us also thank famed football announcer John Madden for sharing the once strange idea of several birds stuffed into each other. It was John who talked about this magical delight and gave the turducken its now famed recognition. I hope you take time to read this National Geographic tribute to the turducken, as you too will become thankful for the turducken. And the next time you have 12-16 hours to spare, perhaps you should say, “I’m going to make a turducken!”

Thank You, People

Few things brighten my day at work more than the unveiling of People’s Sexiest Man Alive issue. The editors got it right this year by naming one of my faves, Matthew McConaughey, as the Sexiest Man Alive for 2005. Although he dates a bird girl, his ravishing good looks and sweet smile can make anyone a believer. The other sexy men included are goodies too: Patrick Dempsey (the second best guy in “Sweet Home Alabama”), Nick Lachey (yes, I’m really a teenage girl), Matt Damon (an oldie but goodie), Vince Vaughn (the brooding, bad boy, hot guy), Anderson Cooper (not as hot as Bill Hemmer, but he’s on FoxNews now, so he deserves nothing), and Clive Owen (see “Closer” and you will agree to this choice). Despite these skilled selections, People’s editors needs their collective heads examined if they really think the sleazy, over-smoked Dennis Leary and the frightening Ian McShane are anywhere close to sexy.